::/amped/::

take me to infinity.

2006-04-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

new soooong up! chekitawt!

--------------------

take me to infinity

i sit on the curb
waiting for chance
to pass by.

i put my head
on my hands
waiting for
a mere whisper,
a mere echo of hope.

where you'll take me,
i don't know.
just show me
the infinity
my soul yearns for.

an indefinite cloud
stifling a spirit on fire.
i put my hand overthe flame
never letting it
fade away.

where you'll take me,
i don't know.
just show me
the infinity
my soul yearns for...

where children fly kites in the rain.
where slippery hands clamor for hope.
where weary soul after weary soul find strength.

take me there.
take me there.

loooooooooooooong post. =)

2006-03-19T08:41:00.000+08:00

been months since my last post. i remember this time last year, i would religiously post nonsense here, giving my friends a view of my currently lifeless life.

now life's a-whirl, and everything's kind of fuzzy. oh well...so anyway, i decided to let the pressure cease a bit, hence the post. if you're bored (and if you miss me), read on.

CLUELESS.
it's been almost eight months now since i've started working. and i'm sorry but i still feel so frustrated. first, i feel that this isn't really what i asked for. i wanted the position. i wanted the technical and ideal job description. but i so was not expecting that THIS was going to be the job description. ibang iba.
I know i work hard. i stay long hours in the office. i work my butt off. pero no matterhow hard i try, i still can't seem to get things right. i don't know what happened. i guess what i've gone through the past 8 months with this one person soooooooooo did NOT help build my confidence in my knowledge in marketing. after eight months, i still feel like the most clueless person in our department.

bu wallowing in self-pity and trying to find someone to blame won't help any. it's about time to do something. sabi nga nung first boss ko (for whom i'm so thankful for), it's time to pick up the pieces and start anew. yun nga lang, i'll have to go through the difficulties of trying to piece everything together again. it may take time. it might make people and other bosses mad and disappointed. but i don't care. i'm not going to blame anyone anymore. i'm going to take responsibility for it (and cover HER ass again) and do something about it.

yun nga lang, i didn't ask for a job that will traumatize me forever.

but in all fairness, the past 8 months helped me know myself better--my strengths and weaknesses. i didn't know that i can be just s tough as i am weak. now i know i'm a well-balanced person! heehee =p

i'm just happy that i can still sleep peacefully, knowing that i don't make people feel small. i feel sorry for those who ego-trip and still manage to sleep peacefully at night.

DISCONNECTED.
since my boss resigned, and my partner left, i've been left alone with three brands to handle, and 2 new product launches to prepare for. needless to say, i'm soooooo disconnected from my
personal life. i work even during lunch. i don't get to YB anymore. i don't even get to talk to my good friends in the office. i get in touch with friends through email and text nalang. i don't even get to the going-home-bonding session with my dad! pano naman kasi, i'm always tired na. grrrrrrr! this is soooooo not HEALTHY! (sabi nga nila if you want to get somewhere, you have to make sacrifices. BUT HELL! I DON'T WANT TO SACRIFICE TIME WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE NOH!! **it's all about time management, babe! haha**)

first disconnection:
from my political life. my whole college life was all about politics. i love my political party, Tapat, and i love the dynamics of our student government. it's election time once again and i missed basically everything! i heard about the other party and their platform, which was something worth applauding...NOT!!! sayang. i was impressed pa naman when i learned about their vision: TOWARDS A PROGRESSIVE AND EMPOWERED CITIZENRY. i said to myself, FINALLY! they finally got OUR drift. they finally understood what Tapat has been striving for all these years.

but no. i was disappointed. it was nothing but a marketing ploy that was not well thought of, but nevertheless proved to be a threat to Tapat and our platform.

pero chong naman, their specific action plans include a JS Prom (are you kidding me?!), Pahiram Charger (are you serious?!?), BaTsi (Batch Tsinelas...what the?!?!), and such.

wow. i feel so empowered. YIPEEEEEEE!!! (not!)

but truth in action and intention will prevail. and i bring you...

THE SEVENTH EXECUTIVE BOARD SWEEP OF ALYANSANG TAPAT SA LASALLISTA!!!

congratulations! good job kids! now show those Lasallians what it truly means to be empowered.

second disconnection:
from my musical persona. hell! it's been ages since we last played!!! pano naman kasi last year tin and bing were having their thesis. now naman jay and tj are reviewing for Board. Tapos bing's leaving pa soon!!! pano na yung first concenrt and album natin?!?! *wink, wink* haaaaaaay. music is my release. and i don't even get to play on my own anymore since i usually drop dead the moment i get home.

whattalosah!!!! let's jam you guys!!! please?!?!?!?!

third disconnection:
from my friends. sa sobrang busy, i don't even get to talk to the people closest to me in the office. in the office a! ganun ako ka eeuuuurgh!!! thank god for last night and alst friday night. at least i got to reconnect with them somehow.

check out http://michpwet.multiply.com for pictures.

pero one thing lang. i love you guys! and i miss all of you.

A-PUNCH AND A-KICK!
kailangan ko na talaga magpapayat. seriously. i'm going boxing with an officemate. originally, my good friends in the office, jenny, yvette and i, planned to do muay-thai. then naging dancing. then naging fitness first. as much as i wanted to join them, di naman kaya ng budget. =( kahiya nga kasi ako pa nagyaya and everything.

pero this time. i'm serious. i'm going to do boxing at the Fort. I'm a believerin boxing. first, si Juday. Tapos si Boom Manibo. Then si BEN CABIGAS ang aking ultimate inspiration.

amazing!!!! =)

watch out world! papayat din ako! bwahahahaha! =P

oh gosh! summer na!!! yipeeeeeeeeeee!!!

yun lang.

bow.

guilty as charged.

2006-01-04T20:53:00.000+08:00

after about 10 years, i got to log on my Block's friendster account. i usually stay away from the horoscope section (i'm really not that superstitious) but i decided to read what they say today. since my Block met at around May (hehehe senti?!) for our freshmen orientation program, our Zodiac is Libra (haha baduy!). it's not really my sign (i'm an Aquarian), but i read it anyways. what was written there was downright creepy. it's as if they're reading my mind....basta creepy! here's what it says:

The Bottom Line
Remember: Dreaming about a change is a waste of time. Making a change is progress.

In Detail
You may have something you'd like to share with someone, but if it's a deeply personal matter and you don't feel comfortable about it just yet, you'll be right to hold back. While you have no problem keeping quiet about a secret that belongs to someone else, being quiet about your own top-secret news is a bit tougher. That doesn't mean you shouldn't share, only that you should take special care when you're deciding whom to invite along for this underground ride.

guilty as charged. =)

pictures, pictures, pictures!!!

2005-12-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

dear patsies who went to janice's thing (and to those na gusto narin maki-usyoso),

for some strange reason, my browser can't support multiply. i downloaded and used firefox but still, ayaw. so to everyone who wants to look at quany belting out his mighty mighty voice, go check him out at:

http://photos.yahoo.com/mich_c12

i'll be uploading my other pictures too, so come back nalang once in a while...

to the computer whizzes out there!
can somebody tell me why all of a sudden my browser can't support multiply? is there anything that needs to be done? thanks guys! =)

to keep.

2005-11-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

i was staring at my computer screen waiting for the right idea to hit me when i suddenly heard my child speak to me. (hindi ako psycho. pero malapit na...) i suddenly remembered what my friend, Rinka, wrote some time ago on feeling a strong connection to her child. (yep, inexistent, but as she put it, "bugger off.")

i thought i'd share it again with you people. this piece is really beautiful. i was moved to tears when i read it.

- - - - - - - - -
to keep.
by rinka romero

i'm not sure what possessed me. but i felt a strong connection to my child today. (yea yea, yet inexistent, but hey. bugger off.) it just felt so real. in writing this piece i was moved to tears. promises i have made to keep. voila.

i will make you the kind of lunch your friends will ask for.
in the lunchbox of your choice.

we'll take walks.
and talk of all your fleeting, everchanging ambitions.
today, an astronaut.
tomorrow, a basketball player.
the next, a teacher.

and we'll treat each one with reverence.
with solemnity.
as if that's where your life would go from hereon.

i'll listen to you when you tell me about how your day at school went.
i'll take note of all the names of friends you mention in passing.
i hope to make it so you never have to answer to the question
"who's kevin again?"

i'll remember, my darling.
i'll hold on to each name.
and make a memory.
so you feel i want to be a part of your world.
i'll make it easier for you to tell me stories of pranks,
and petty fights,
and who lost to whom at basketball today.

and in the grocery, i'll let you pick something you want.
regardless of the price.
you can have that ridiculously priced spiderman juice tumbler.
or the hotdogs with the freebies.

and some days i'll make you miss class to take you to the beach.
just you and me.
we'll jetski. and kayak.
and make sandcastles like in those sappy hallmark cards.
get toasted in the sun, then come home to your daddy
and laugh hysterically when he asks why we're so dark.
and he'll probably know, but he'll pretend he doesn't.
so it remains our little secret.

i won't force you to wear what you don't want to.
you can wear your cowboy hat to mass, sweetie.
i won't love you less.

and when you're older,
you can pierce your ears, love.
i won't love you less.
wear bandshirts.
grow your hair long.
wear grunge eyeliner, if that helps define who you are.
i won't love you less.

when you get drunk
i'll make sure you're not afraid
to call home and have me pick you up.
i trust you'll know you messed up
without me rambling about the dangers of alcohol overdose.

if you become a musician
you can practice in the garage
i promise not to bark at the drummer
or make you stop even if it's loud and driving me insane.
i will walk in every now and then
to listen to you,
catch your soul in the music that you make
and tell you you are beautiful.
and loved.
and mine. (thank god.)

til then, love, i will sing you periwinkle lullabies
and tell you stories before you go to sleep.
and kiss your eyes.
and tuck you in.
and try to walk back to my room struggling,
not wanting to sleep away from you.

i will hold you tight and make you feel this house is home.
but each night after you've gone to sleep
i will walk away:
practicing the art of letting you go,
everyday rehearsing.
so when you need to become,
i can disengage from this embrace and let you be.

i will not make it hurt for you
to walk away from me when you have to.
and do what you have to do.
and i will not stop telling you
that you are beautiful.
and loved.
and mine.
(thank god.)
- - - - - - - - -

sigh. i miss you, rinka bru!!!

panaginip lang.

2005-11-03T20:46:00.000+08:00

BAAAAND PLUUUUUUG!

there's a fabulous new band out there. name's PARAMITA--named after a Tibetan Buddhism mantra for perfection. love their music. upbeat with soulful lyrics. their music reminds me a bit of Imago's. but theirs has a stronger pull on me. perhaps it's ria bautista's deep and soothing voice...or the hypnotic riffs of the guitar that tell you to dance or to just shut up and think...their music carries me somewhere where i can be invisible and let loose all the emotions bottled inside. great great great music! (by the way, their drummer...is also the vocalist....A GIRL!!! you go girl!!!)

hahaha! Paramita now needs to pay me for free advertisement! hehehe... :p

there's one particular song that struck me...

----------
Panaginip Lang

ngayon sa 'king pag-iisa
nahihibang sa kaiisip
kung iiwasan ka,
hahayaan ko na bang
tuluyan nang ibaon sa limot ang ala-ala mo..

at ang lahat ng iyong mga sinabi
sa akin,
maari bang limutin ang nangyari sa atin?

nguni't bago ka lumisan
palayain ako
nguni't bago ka lumisan
palayain ako

ako pa rin ay nagtatanong kung
meron pang kaunting pag-asang
magkabalikan,
pero ayoko nang maulit pa

sumisigaw, lahat ay sinabi sa 'yo
(ano ang iyong madarama)
kung malaman mong ito'y panaginip lang
(ano ang iyong maiisip)
kung bukas ay di ka na muling gigising pa
----------

watch out for DAHON and RINKA as well...ethereal music with spellbinding lyrics to match!

suportahan ang musikang pinoy! rakenrol!!! :p

empty.

2005-10-12T06:05:00.000+08:00

.

.

.

.

.

toyland.

2005-10-09T07:04:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i last posted a "crazy-happy" entry. heck, i miss being crazy-happy! anyway...

yesterday after "office hours," i went with some of my good friends at the office to megamall to run some errands. they need to buy something for work, and i was searching for a cool gift for my pamangkin who just had his birthday. and naturally, we landed in SM Toyland...nyahaha!

yvette, me, and jc desperate for a second childhood...nyahaha!

saya! pero para kaming mga nakawala sa mga cage namin e! dinaig pa namin yung mga bata dun! actually, para akong nanay na nag-aalaga ng dalawang bata. bakit?! ang yvette, kumuha ng beach ball. tapos binato nya kay jc. at ayun, they played a different catch game na medyo violent yung dating...habang naghahanap ako ng toy truck. At eto, dun pa talaga sila naglaro sa masikip na aisle. tapos, hindi pa na-kontento. dinamay pa ako. doink! ho-well! hehehe super kulit grabe!

it's HALLOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEN!!! yup, there were loads of masks and other halloween stuff displayed. hehehe naglaro ulit kami. tried on masks. scared some kids off. looked crazy while we took pictures. looked like 5-feet-plus-plus-tall-6-year-old kids. hehe, babaw ba?! ok lang, saya naman! =p

raaaaaaaawr!!!

ooooh! me excited! christmas is just around the corner! whoopeedooooo!

engaged!

2005-10-03T22:11:00.000+08:00

wala lang...i'm sooooooooo tired but i just gotta share this!!!

this morning i found out that one of my close friends in the office, jenny, got engaged last night after 3 years of being in a relationship with her boyfriend. wala lang...im sooooooooooooooo happy for her!!! as in! =)

but...

somehow it feels really different. super different if you know someone who's ALREADY engaged and when someone you know gets engaged. diba?! wala lang...she's not just anyone, e! she's a friend for crying out loud! and she's only three years older than me! makes me feel really old. but don't worry, i'm not going to get desperate yet. the line for desperation is drawn 4 years from today. nyaha!

(pero PWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! PANO NA TAYOOOOO?!?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! i think it's time for us to think about the future, girl! so sino na ba sa kanilang dalawa ha?! heehee...)

but hey! this is going to be my first wedding. i mean, the first wedding i'm attending that's not a relative's or a family friend's. this is going to be so much fun! i told her i'd help her find a good designer. she already told me that the motif's going to be green. shuuuux! im excited na to the max!!!

hmmm...i gotta start working on that wedding..i'll have to make sure that i'll look like a goddess on HER special day...nyahaha!

ichabod.

2005-09-25T17:31:00.000+08:00

==================

ichabod.

a fallen star
bestowed with disgrace
(glory departed)
rise from the ashes
perils thine awashed
(thy glory departs)

in seeing shadows
moving in on me.
in seeing shadows
moving in

i crumble and cry out.
clinging to the
sidebars as you
slowly pull out
anguished i plead
despair flee...
come back to me.

. . . .

flee. flee from me.
come back.
come back to me.

==================

2005-09-11T18:26:00.000+08:00

read the saying on the left side of the screen...

super true! in other words, there will always be people who will put you down. the happier you are, the more it makes THEM enjoy trodding on you....sad noh?! haaay...so true...

funny...but true :p

2005-09-08T20:35:00.000+08:00

got this from janice pwet.

laugh trip. =D

bow.

every single day i just can't wait to get away.

2005-08-20T21:06:00.000+08:00

been really long since i last posted an entry...
been really long since i last went blog-hopping...
been really long since i last watched TV...
been really long since i had my nails done...
been really long since i last conditioned my hair...
been really long since i slept decently...

in short, pagod na ako.

and how ridiculous is this?! it's been only a month! isn't that a bit too soon to start complaining??

the title of this entry i got from a friend's blog.

and it's true.

i can't wait to get away. every day. the clock ticks fast. but not fast enough.
i can't wait to empty my head. every day. thing is, they just won't go away.
i can't wait to close my eyes and leave this world behind. every day. but my eyes close only to focus on a vision of you, looking like you always do. you messed with my peace of mind.
and now i ask, when will peace come back to me?
peace...light...love...um...HUH??!?!

then the tears just started flowing. out of frustration. out of confusion. out of anticipated humiliation. out of fear of making a mistake. out of fear of being talked about. it's pretty much like walking in the dark with my senses numb.

but sacrifices have to be made. if I want to get somewhere, i gotta start learning the right attitude. but one day, i'll show you. i'll show you that i'm not stupid. that i can do it...i'll show you that i'm better than you. you're only older. kaya angas ka e. oh well...they say that we don't have to quit whenever we're faced with trials...after all, it's not the load that breaks us down, but how we carry it. o diba!?

ON A LIGHTER NOTE! (as you are somewhat an insignificant fly buzzing around my head, i see no point in brooding over YOUR thoughts)

even though i sacrificed some serious "alone" time, i'll never sacrifice time with my friends and family. they're the only ones keeping me sane these days! actually, i'm loads of kwentos overdue! been to tagaytay with my college barkada. went on a drinking binge at 6 in the evening with high school friends (HELLO?! 6pm drinking?! what were we thinking!?). sharpened my manual driving skills by driving rondel's car at 2 in the morning coz he's dead drunk (at twice pa to nangyari a!). been brought Mango Bravo by rondel coz he wanted to thank me for driving. played a block-rockin' show at racks, el pueblo (HELLO!?!? like RACKS!?! as in RACKS?!?). and lots more. haaaaaaaaaaaaay.

the point of all these?

though it feels as if my life's scattered in pieces on the floor, it's really not.

doink!

current mood: frazzled
current music: punk you!

like a child again.

2005-07-25T09:17:00.000+08:00

there are sooo many times when i just feel like running back to the past so i could be a child again.

everything was so simple...
everything that we did was so pure...
so innocent...
all that we did was out of pure enjoyment of life.

as we grew older, our thinking got more complicated, hence making us less contented and more problematic. hassle noh?! i keep asking, why can't things stay as simple as they were when i was a kid? and i answer myself: things do stay as simple as they were. it's us who become more complicated. it's actually US who make life difficult for...US. come to think of it...who chooses to worry about this? who chooses to give a damn about that? who chooses to brood over something insignificant, acting as if it'll be the end of the world if we don't get our way? who chooses to pack her/his mind to bursting with thoughts and worries?

ME. You. Us. All of us.

it's just so sad that it had to turn out that way. i know that if we all had our way, we'd choose to just be kids again. but most of the time, we make the wrong choices, realizing our mistake only when it's too late...when things become too complicated for a child to handle. what fun! =D

i actually share the same thoughts with a friend, who claims he still sees himself as a child. and wala syang paki kung ano gusto isipin ng tao. it's actually funny how people's minds work. he says before pag sinabi niya na gusto niya maging bata ulit, parang tinatawanan siya. pero ngayon, everyone wants to be a child again. nyahaha! now who's weird?!

anyways. i have a 6-year-old inside of me. that kid is so frivolous...and so excited about life. sobrang mababaw lang ang kaligayahan. she lights up whenever i walk down the art section of a bookstore or whenever i play with the dog. but sometimes, little mimi cries when michelle's world goes awry. and when this happens, i try to keep my cool for that kid who's about to lose hers. it's extremely hard but someone's got to do it. i wrote a song for her...
________________________

carousel.

close your eyes little one
and let your thoughts fly.
of playground fights
and scary nights.

brush your fears away,
let the shimmering lights
take you away
to your dream land.

hush little one...

chorus:
aboard the merry-go-around,
and leave your world behind.
float away with the notes,
just let yourself be.
i wish your life could again be
as simple as A-B-C,
counting 1-2-3...

take shelter where you cling,
hide in his shadow
but when it becomes too fast,
too unbearable

hush little one.
let me take you home.
________________________

sometimes, it's really like that. kung san yung takbuhan mo pag sawa ka na sa mundo, yun pa yung nagpapalala sa problema mo. hirap talaga maging tao noh?! :p

but on a positive note, realizing our mistakes and learning from them means growing up and being stronger. if only growing up wasn't so difficult...haaaay...

argh! eto na naman ako e!

on hobbies, reminiscing, jamming, and my 1st week at work.

2005-07-09T10:59:00.000+08:00

yeeeeeeeeh!!! congratulate me! it's my first week as a yuppie! pero honestly, i feel as if it's already been 10 years...oh well! but i'm having fun naman so far kaya ok lang! =p

i really like my work. but i'm still in that stage wherein im not sure if i really want to stay in the corporate world for long or if i want to be my own boss and make a business out of my hobbies. but i was thinking din na hobbies are hobbies. period. it's something that makes you a well-rounded person and it's the biiiiiig cushion na you lie on when you're tired of the routines. it's not supposed to be something na kailangan problemahin pa...right?!

i was talking to an officemate (OH MY GOD DID I JUST SAY THAT?!?) about it yesterday. sya rin kasi may hobby. he does photography and he seems good naman. he actually worked for a professional photographer before. e ako din kasi i want to take up photography more than anything else e. he says that time comes when you think that parang everything you're doing's just the same and parang feeling mo you're not getting any better. and then later on, baka mawalan ka na ng gana! ayoko naman mangyari yun! oh well! bahala na! HELLER! like one week palang ako sa woooork!!!

although people are great in the office (it's like a huuuuge barkada in a sense) and the workload, though heavy, is okay naman, i can't help but miss my friends and my bandmates. wala lang. as you know, yesterday was very magulo. dami rallies and people screaming for GMA to resign...RG and i work in the same office. and we just started talking about issues the way we used to at the tambayan..then we started reminiscing about what it would've been like if janice, elvin, kate, jay, boom, and the others were there. so we called and rounded up everyone! RG, janice, elvin and me ended up together at Metrowalk. we stayed in Cravings and just started talking. it was really good to see some old friends talaga! i loved our discussion and i loved the food (THANKS RG dear!). wala lang...i miss you guys!!!

and then RG and i were off to my officemate's house in Xavierville for this party. YUP, I'M ACTUALLY HANGING IN THE NORTH. kasama pa namin si elvin. hehehe punta pa kasi dapat ponti after. anyways, so we hung out for a while, sang some songs on the magic mic, and i was forced to drink 2 shots of brandy. ew. now i got these nasty rashes all over my back! as in buong back!!

since it's northern territory, i'm actually afraid to go anywhere without kasama. hehehe so i bummed a ride off an officemate, but we needed to go to katipunan first kasi she's meeting up her college barkada. i was a little out of place but ok lang naman kasi they were nice! but no matter how nice all of them were, i still can't relate to the kwentuhans and all. hehehe. so i ended up jamming with the band!!!

YUP! I JAMMED WITH A BAND! i miss tin, bing, prijm, jay, and the music we play more than anything else. especially now that i'm feeling the whole office girl vibe. it was such a welcoming release to jam with these guys. rockoustic music nila, though on the pop side. but hey! that's music parin! i sang Head Over Feet with a shaky voice that didn't quite reach the right notes (hey! i have an excuse! i was still all red and shaking from the drink they gave me at the party!). and then instead of sitting back down, i jammed with them. i did percs. they actually wanted me to play the guitar and sing but i didn't trust myself then kasi nga i was shaking and all...but nevertheless, i still jammed with them and di naman ako nagkamali-mali! hahaha! but i got this nasty bruise on my hand from the tambourine. hehehe :p afterwards, the guitarist and i kinda talked for a while about...music, what else?!? and then he said something na parang i seem like a natural on the stage, and that parang i've got an ear for music since i never went offbeat. so sabi ko i have a band. then yun, kwentuhan, la la la la la...then sabi nya i have a nice voice daw...hehehe *blush* saya! sarap pakinggan! sabi ko nga what a way to end my week! sayang! wala akong pics!!! hmph! next investment, digital cam!

gosh! yun lang! i should do this more often!

bow.

my first time.

2005-07-02T09:24:00.000+08:00

to work that is! hehehe i thought i'd share my day with you, that is if you're interested to know, anyways! :p

yesterday was really great! it was a bit slow on the uptake since it was my first day but nevertheless, feel na feel ko na office girl ako. i mostly read stuff yesterday. then for lunch, i was out for 2 hours! taena! kala ko nga il be late, e i'll be attending my very first meeting pa naman after lunch. the newbies that i was with during lunch break weren't the least bit worried because they had their bosses with them. my boss was back at the office preparing for the meeting and i was at eastwood, eating! nyahaha! :p

i had a gooooood impression on my first day. the company's great, the people are great, the workplace is great, the job's great (although im sure that in a matter of weeks, i'll be writing here again to vent pent up stress! nyahaha)!!!

URC's a good company. most of their products are market leaders. i'm handling the Magic brand, which includes Magic Flakes, Magic Creams, etc. they also make the Jack and Jill stuff like Piattos, Chippy, etc. great company. the atmosphere's very light and not so uptight. even the big bosses like the GM eat lunch with us. haha :p but the compensation and benefits don't place too high on my scale. but hey, i'm not after the money. if it's the learning you're after, grabe, this is a great company. in fact, ang daming bago sa Brand kasi ang bilis ng turnover ng employees. ang dami napa-pirate! as in!

the people. veeeery accomodating and nice. PLUS, PLUS! dami gwapo...nyahaha! *blush* well not naman SUPER dami but enough so my eyes could have a feast everyday! :p of course since first day, medyo shy shy and quiet effect pa ko. next week, nyahaha! :p but no matter coz everyone understands naman how it is to have first day jitters. great people, great people! what's more, Brand people are REALLY young..as in..so everyone could relate with the other. at eto pa, ANG DAMING SOUTH PEOPLE! yeeeah! no problem na kaming lahat sa transpo since we could all have a carpool. punyeta! ang mahal na ng gas and toll, thank goodness for the restraining order!

i was scared nga baka pagtripan ako since bago..buti nalang 3 kaming bago..nyahaha! di ako nagiisang gagaguhin! :p

my first meeting. it was exactly how i imagined it to be. the crackers group had a meeting with the advertising agency because the agency people had to present something. the big people were there (the GM, the Biscuits division head, my boss, the advertising director...SHET!) and my knees were shaking out of fear na baka pagsalitain ako..buti nalang hindi naman ako pinasalita! i sat there listening to the arguments as they progressed. i was given some stuff to read beforehand and i was told to make comments. wala lang...the discussion is pretty similar to MARKPRO, MARKAD2, and thesis arguments. even the same as some of Tapat arguments. although takot parin baka tanungin ako bigla kung ano tingin ko sa isang bagay. pero i'm happy to know that the advertising director and i have the same comments and questions, although syempre she was able to articulate it better. hehehe hindi pa sabaw utak ko after 8 months! YEHEEEY! :p

anyways, so far, so good. first day was fun. can't wait for my first week. sana it'll go just as good! i've waited 8 loooooong months for a job like this.

i must say, the wait was worth it. :)

bow.

2005-06-19T21:35:00.000+08:00

S E L F - P I T Y .
P R I D E .

two bricks that'll drag you down, down, down...

until you drown...

until you die...

finally!

2005-06-16T15:15:00.000+08:00

i finally have a job! thank God! after exactly 8 months of waiting, i finally have it! yahoo!!! hahaha! i've been bumming around for 8 months...yiiieeee!!!!

it was fun doing nothing for a while. but after about a month of doing nothing, you get restless. at least i have some stuff naman to keep me busy. nothing serious but i was enjoying hanging with friends anytime of the day, dabbling with my artistic side (i make my own belts now! hopefully i can make enough belts to introduce a "line" and then maybe proceed to selling them :p and with my sweldos, i'll buy materials na so i can embellish slippers na. i got loads of designs but no capital! *wink, wink*), jamming with my bandmates whenever, "beaching,"....mga bum stuff talaga! hahaha!

i got two weeks left...i'm going to enjoy being a bum while it lasts...then it's "hello corporate world!!!" i just feel so lucky that somehow i got enough time to be with myself and get to know me a little bit more. i'm kind of glad i didn't start working right away when i graduated. i think everyone should take at least a month off before working and just try to do "nothing" stuff. it'll make you more prepared for the corporate world. and it'll make you feel good too! give yourself a break. after all, when work starts, it'll be kind of hard to make time for that break!

PLUGGING!!! Buy magic flakes! it's reeeeeaaallly good! haha! biased! :p

this is one of the belts that i'm making. it's not done yet. i have to attach the straps/ribbons pa. it's sort of "patch-y" and "quilt-y." i used scraps of tela then embellished it with loads of beads and buttons! while it's painstaking to do beadwork, it's nakakaaddict! those little dots you see there? those are beads! the larger white round things are buttons. what do you think? pwede ba?! :p

men!

2005-06-07T18:14:00.000+08:00

hehe...

while bloghopping, i stumbled across these two entries about men and i had fun reading them...i found myself saying "oo nga noh!" i decided to post the two entries here. wala lang! makes you wonder what goes on in the minds of men. makes you want to understand them...but most of the time trying to understand how their minds work makes your head hurt! no offense, guys! i'm sure you feel exactly the same way about women. *grins wickedly*

so ano boys?! totoo ba o hindi?!?

___________________

ang north boy at ang south boy.
*bow*

ang north boy, kung gusto ka, liligawan ka.
ang south boy, hindi mo alam, nililigawan ka na pala.

ang north boy, crush siya ng barkada mo.
ang south boy, gustong makatambay ng barkada mo.

ang north boy, liligawan pati nanay mo.
ang south boy, babarkadahin ang nanay mo.

ang north boy, tahimik at polite kapag kasama ang pamilya mo.
ang south boy, makwento at masigla kapag kasama ang pamilya mo.

ang north boy, first date ninyo sa nakaka-impress na restaurant.
ang south boy, first date ninyo ay movie tapos coffee.

ang north boy, bongga magregalo.
ang south boy, simple pero meaningful ang ireregalo.

ang north boy, sasama sa yo at sa barkada mo.
ang south boy, isasama ka sa barkada niya.

___________________

the freaking truth about men
this is why we, women, find it really hard to find the man of our dreams.

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men aremarried.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nicemen, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nicemen with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice andsomewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that areheterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, arecowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome,somewhat nice and have somemoney and thank God are heterosexual, areshy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move,automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

GO FIGURE!!!
*sakit sa ulo*

janice said nga in her blog:

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

Personally, this what makes men so cute.

They need women to be better, mwahahahahahaha.

DON'T YOU JUST AGREE?! HAHAHAH :p

pero alam nyo...true love waits...cheesy...

...but true. :)

*cheers!*

2005-05-29T18:47:00.000+08:00

the heart seems to hold the answer as to who we really are. we may project an outward image of the person we would like to be while hiding in our hearts the person we really are.

it is in the heart where you find what we truly love. it is in the heart where you find the things we treasure. unless you can get to know the heart of a person, you'll never really know them. this is where God has an advantage. He is able to look deep into the heart of a person and know who he/she really is. He sees what we love and treasure. He sees the longings of the heart. He also sees when our heart has been broken. there are tears the heart sheds that never reach the eyes. He sees them.

therefore, when He sees a heart that has been broken, He knows how to heal it. when He sees the tears of the heart, He can wipe them away. when He sees the wrong kind of love, He warns. when He sees longings, He satisfies.

amen to that.

untitled.

2005-05-27T09:29:00.000+08:00

deep thoughts...confusion...rambling...pfft!
______________________

listless thoughts flee.
don't need you to sustain me.
i close my eyes
and the light sprints
away with you.

i'm indisposed,
struggling as i keep hold
but you're slipping away
the wind took you away
on her wings.

this search for clarity
has gone out of hand
it left me marred
(it left me scarred)
now overcome by weariness
i find that
the only way is
to let go.

it's a jaded's grip.
you're slowly breaking free.
try though as i might
i can't stop
pining after the light.

whattaface!!!

2005-05-16T11:25:00.000+08:00

well...the past week has been emotionally stressful for me. i'll save the finer details of the story for private chikahans nalang. but it really is emotionally burdensome when you've been working long and hard for something that you really REALLY want...then finally, it's within your reach...before you know it, you're practically clutching it with your fingertips...then BAM! it's taken away from you, without you expecting it to happen. and what hurts the most is that this something is what you've been waiting for a loooooooooooooooooooong time, and that you don't know why it happened since you gave everything your best shot naman! masakit...as in huhuhu!

but i learned that this is going to happen probably every once in a while in my whole lifetime. so i figured, it wouldn't hurt to start learning how to cope. but it's really hard to think positively when the light you're trying to follow suddenly sprints way ahead of you, leaving you in semi, sometimes total, darkness. i cried, i wallowed, i self-pitied (for a while lang naman :p), and i splurged...so now, medyo ok na ko! sad ako, but i don't really feel bad. thanks to my wonderful friends who gave me words of comfort and encouragement, and my family whom i know supports me all the way. salamat talaga! as in!

Special Mentions: To Trisha, for taking me out last saturday night and food tripping in friday's with me. girl, we gotta stop eating like that or else di talaga tyo papayat like kelly misa! :p To my sis, Char-Char, for letting me talk and cry myself dry. i love Tin and Bing, too, for being with me on that day, even if through phone lang. :) salamat at isang malaking hug para sa inyo!

shit. how drama can i get?!?! that sounded like a friggin' paawa-effect-slash-acceptance speech! hahaha :p

anyway, since i've been kinda down these past few days, i decided to post something that i'm sure will make all of us laugh. well, some may have comments na "ANO BA YAN?!?!?" at probably hindi matawa, but instead wonder what's on the minds of these people habang ginagawa nila yung ginagawa nila sa picture. these are some "WHATTAFACE!!!" blooper shots of my friends and family na suuuuuuuupeeeeeeeeeeeer nakakatawa!!! i hope that, if by some chance, you who's reading this entry is feeling kinda down, e, matawa ka rin maski for a while lang. think of it as a therapy nlng. hahaha! it may not be much, pero at least tatawa ka! libre pa! :p (medyo sinira ko na sarili kong dignidad sa post na to...)

__________

SANDMAN SHOTS!
-> it is during our sleep when we are the funniest. hehehe...'nuf said...i blurred some of the faces of the people in the picture to protect their identity. jahe naman! pero nakakatawa parin! :p you can guess but keep your guess to yourself!!! wahahaha :p

after a wild night, this friend of mine just crashed, all dignity forgotten! HOY! MAHIYA KA NAMAN!!!

snooooooooooooooooooore! ANG INGAY!!! check out the hands...ang poised sobra!!! i needed to blur the face kasi super nakakahiya ata!!! :p

AY! hehehe :p

i didn't blur barbie's face anymore kasi di naman super panget e! yung nakakatawa yung "SHH" pose nya while sleeping. di nya alam na nakaganyan sya habang tulog! promise! hahahaha! *shhhhh...*
WHATTAFACE!
-> minsan, feeling natin cute yung mga "roar" or "smirking" facial expressions. pero paglaba ng picture, hindi pala...ay!

feeling namin ng kuya ko, e, napaka adorable namin sa pic na 'to...sige na..pagbigyan na at tumawa nalang!

dahil sa sobrang takot ng dad ko sa dentista, e, nakalimutan na nya dignidad nya. tuloy, pumayag magpose ng ganyan na wala dentures nya! in a sane mind, di nya to gagawin! nasobrahan ata anesthesia nya e...hehehe :p

ako mismo, iniisip ko parin hanggang ngayon knug bakit to ginawa ni tin e..di ko tlga gets..pero nakakatawa! :p hahaha!

ang panget. 'nuf said. *luvya bing, pero aminin mo, ang panget tlga natin dito. nagmukha akong babalu, nagmukha kang petrang kabayo.*

show me the NGUSOOOOOOOOO! my little pamangkin trying to make his tita laugh...hehehe

si jonmike. nainggit ata kasi di sya sinama sa picture. ang sama tuloy ng tingin nya!!

gusto nyong ngumiti? wala lang..baka lang gusto nyo...

edrie...um...hehehe...ayoko na magsalita baka batukan mo pa ko pagnagkita tyo e...

eto si janice. isa sa mga co-pwet ko. pero di ko magets. mukha syang constipated dito. buti nlng ako project! NAKAKAHIYA KA JANICE!!!
HULI KA!
-> mga caught-in-the-act pictures kuno...hehehe...well, kasama narin sa category na ito yung mga intentionally weird poses...hehehe :p

this is the funniest picture i have ever seen lately!!! wala lang! nag-tripping lang sina ben! this is the typical "longkatuts" pose...o teka ha! hindi kami masama!!! kung ang japanese at korean may signature pose, ang mga helpers din natin meron!!! ben! easy lang baka pagkamalan ka!!! hahaha! :p luv ya ben!

etong tatlong to, may ambition tlga tong mga to mag showbiz. at hindi lang basta basta showbiz..gusto nila action stars...kaya eto, Charlie's Angels daw sila, male and Filipino, este, Chinese version. well actually, Bugoy's Angels. hehehe :p di naman masamang mangarap ed, joel and stephen!

eheheeh...naseseduce ba kayo? actually, di ko gets to e..nangseseduce ba kayo? or nagaangas? basta alam ko si arnold masaya. yun lng..ed? steef?

eto, Tagaytay Scandal to...'nuf said.

um...jonmike? di ko gets...hehehehe

ayaw ni joel na picturan sya while putting on his shoulder support. but we took a shot anyways...hehe! sorry joel! WHATTAFACE!!! :p

nakakita na ba kayo ng swapang? o eto! ayan a! nakakita na kayo!!! *jeto, sana sinabi mong gusto mo ng solo picture! sinaktan mo pa ata si cherish e! sumbong kita kay joel!*

IVAN: ahahaha...meeeeeeehn!!! (whoozy...hehehehe)

fans ba kayo ng F4? o, meet the Philippine and a bit meaty version. patok to pramis!!! :p

gagawin nila ang kahit ano basta makuhanan lang ng picture...poor guys...

um...scandal din ito! contact me for the full movie kung interested kayo! pili kayo...yun Chinese Tagaytay Scandal (yung kanina sa taas) or eto? take a walk on the wild side! hahaha :p

wala na ko kelangn sabihin. ito si rondel apelo. tignan nyo, at humalakhak ng malakas! :p
__________

o friends! walang personalan to a!!! tawanan lang! love you guys!!! :p

2005-05-04T13:14:00.000+08:00

a beautiful woman is a woman who doesn't let you live.

you're always terrified that this woman is going to leave you...

that she's going to get bored and run off with someone else.

maybe it's much better to have a woman

who's not so beautiful but

who becomes somebody very beautiful to you in private.

-Giorgio Armani

on happiness.

2005-04-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

my prayer for the past months has been the same. i've been asking God to teach me how to be happy. as in yung simple kind of hapiness lang. nothing intricate, nothing extravagant. just plain and simple happy. on and on it went..i was waiting for some kind of answer. but i wasn't really sure where to look.

could it be getting that dream job?
could it be finding my true love? (man...how cheesy can you get?!)
could it be being able to eat a whole pizza without gaining a pound?
could it be reaching my desired weight?
could it be being allowed to splurge all my money on shoes?
could it be getting to play an almost perfect show?

hindi e. masyado mababaw tong mga to. although i'd be happy, too, if i get to do any of these! :p but what i'm looking for is something long-term not something that'll give me that spontaneous high na di pa nga sure how long maglalast.

and so i continue to wait and listen for an answer. and then this morning, when i woke up, i looked at my phone and i had 4 messages waiting to be read. one of the messages was a quote sent to me by a friend named JC. i dunno...but the message sort of hit me in a way that i never imagined it would. i said to myself, "this is it. this is the answer." i found it uncanny lang that this message came from JC. i call Jesus JC kasi in my prayers to make everything more personal and casual.

"happiness is probably glandular or a matter or temperament. if you are not happy, you better stop worrying about it, and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness."

of course, it could be something na wala lang...coincidence lang. but doesn't it make a lot of sense? i mean even if unhappy ako, it's still my choice to be happy or not. it's all a matter of seeing the bright side of everything and obeying what He wants us to do. thing is, sometimes, what He wants us to do makes us really, really unhappy kasi ayaw natin gawin. but this message says it all.

bow.

a day in the life of a kid.

2005-04-25T13:25:00.000+08:00

last saturday, we brought our two pamangkins to EK. it was matthew's birthday last april 21 and the trip was just one of his many presents! hehehe :p he just turned 4!

it was super fun! it's been a while since i've been to an amusement park and i've forgotten how much fun it could be. as soon as we stepped into EK's premises, time made a turn-around and i was a kid again! the place was packed to bursting, though, since many OFWs brought their families along for some sort of family-bonding and it was Unilever's family day, too. but nevertheless, i felt like a kid again...and we all had fun!!!

i realized something, though. going to EK with your barkada to have fun and try to feel like kids again, and going to EK with a 4 year old kid are two different things! roaming the streets, lining up for rides, and going on the rides with a frisky 4 year old, who keeps on pulling your hair and hand, totally changes the picture. i thought it'll make me feel like i'm a yaya or something, but it didn't! in fact, it truly felt like i was a kid again! saya!

i even lost track of the rides we'd gone on. but i remember matthew's eyes sparkling when we rode the hot-air balloon type of ride (i forgot what it's called e!). i remember me getting dizzy! matthew actually sort of got scared on the wheel of fate. but at his young age, he already thinks that he's some macho man and won't admit that he's scared. but he was! he was making siksik to my brother and was not smiling...hehehe! medyo nanahimik sya actually!

my other pamangkin's only a year old. he's too little to go on any of the rides, except for the carousel. but he can't even go on any horse! so he had to sit on one of the carriages with his mom and lola (my mom).

at eto...FIRST TIME KONG SUMAKAY NG SPACE SHUTTLE!!! hehehe! ang loser ba?? i've always been scared but last saturday, i told myself it was now or never...waaaah! nakakatakot!!! well actually nakakainis nga kasi we stood in lnie for almost two hours. buti nalang madami gwapo kaya i wasn't too bored. :p

in fairness, their fireworks display was ok din. had fun watching it. matthew and jeremy were amazed, too. but all the smoke triggered both boys' asthma. hehehe! :p here are some pictures we took. there are more pictures in my phone but i haven't uploaded them yet.

__________________

yikeee!!! takot ako! ang taaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!

di na ko takot kasi dito na si papa! :) -> matthew and my older bro

shhhmyyyyyl! di na ako takot!!!

up, up and away!!!

my one-year-old pamangkin, jeremy, making pa-cute in his very own ride!

i love this shot! parang artsy-fartsy! im the one with one hand up! my other hand was holding on to my pamangkin who was apparently terrified! hehehe :p

My 4-year-old pamangkin, Matthew, posing by the car display. pogi daw sya!

fly, fly, fly!

jeremy with lola and ate tin!

eh?!?

bridge by the tree house with matthew!

and off we go!

yiiiihaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

awww! kapikit si jeremy!

nice!

matthew super enjoyed his 1st EK trip! :)

________________

next stop, beach naman!!! :p

can i be college again?

2005-04-11T17:02:00.000+08:00

sitting in front of my PC at 5 in the afternoon...i just woke up from a nap. before that i was jamming with my imaginary friend (ooooooh!)...i talked to bing on the phone...went to the gym...it has been like this for almost 6 months now. lo and behold, i still haven't got a job! mannnnn...I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!

i can't leave the house everyday (though i want to) kasi at this point, it's very jahe to still ask money from my parents. my dad still gives me some every week. but i need to make tipid to the last centavo since i have my phone bill to pay and that occasional one-time-big-time gimmick to go to. waaaaah!

i welcomed this kind of break with wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide open arms months and months ago. but after being stagnant for almost 6 months, it's driving me craaaaaaaaaaazy! as in liquid na utak ko kasi di na ko nagiisip! and i already lost my "tan" waaaaay back...the tan that i usually get from being exposed to the sun almost everyday and from commuting.

while talking to bing a while ago, i mentioned that i want to be a student again! then i was looking at old college pictures kanina lang...man! it made me miss college even more! waaah! but i was laughing, too, reminiscing the "nene" days when i had a bob cut! YUP! a bob cut!! ew! i thought i'd share some college pictures here, all of which are taken in classrooms or in any part of the campus. some during that field trip in EK for ENVIPHY or the annual tagaytay thing of the block barkada or the habitat trip! hahaha! wala lang! enjoy!

__________________________

THE EVER MEMORABLE L.S. CLASSROOMS

our first polaroid pic! haha! super nene! as usual missing si baj!!! remember the faces and the names: (L-R) barbie, eds, che, me, hazel

yikee! course card day! um...obviously the grades were ok since lahat naka-smile! this is me, then joel, cherish and edrie!

waaaaah! ang payat ko pa ditoooooooo!!! :((l-r) che, me, barbie, eds, hazel

THE NENE DAYS!!! yaaaak!

the classic "tabing-ilog style" barkada pic. baduy na! cliche na! pero asteeeg naman! bleh!

the ENVIPHY field trip to EK. ohmigosh! supeeeeeeeeeer nene at totoy lahat o!!! that's harold with his back facing the cam. then seated: me (shooooooort hair!), joel, eds, emong (man! i miss this dude!), and cherish!

nang maisip namin magpa-studio pic sa RP. damn! ang baduy nun a!!! kitang-kita na fresh from high school tong mga to o!!!

during one of the debuts of our blockmates! we went to about a dozen i think! man! ang payaaaaat ko dito!!! bakit????(l-r) barbie, me, edrie, yan min

overnight after cherish's debut! 4 words: PAYAT AT MUKHANG INOSENTE!bottom: emong, jonmike, edmiddle: me, baj (wow! she's heeeeere!), cherish (um...), hazel, ivantotback: eds, stephen (OH MY GOD ANG PAYAT MOOOO!), arnold

getting down and dirty finishing the display for Tapat's recruitment thing...hehehe :p the one wearing the blue shirt's Ther, the other one's jade!

COLLEGE TRIPPING!!!

one stupid pose i taught my friends. may inside story to e kaya we find it soooo amusing! this is ed!

and they've caught on pretty well! hehehe!(l-r) Edrie, hazel, emong, cherish

the boys of the block with sir...um...shet! i forgot his name! pero my friend, cholo and his barkada calls him raymart kasi kamukha daw ni raymart e! shet! ano na nga pangalan ulit nito!?!

at don bosco during the BnE 2004 Sports Fest. hehehefront: cherish, me, mae, joannemiddle: emong, eds, chelz, jonmikeback: hazel, stephen, harold

BEING GOOD SAMARITANS AT THE HABITAT

haaaay! ang hirap talaga gumawa ng bahay!

ang F4 ng block! hahahaha! i soooooo love this pic! bagay diba!?!?that's joel, ed, stephen and jonmike!

wala lang!

ANNUAL TAGAYTAY TRIPS

i wasn't there nung first tagaytay trip...sob!(l-r) arnold, ed, jb, joel, eds, hazel, cherish, jonmike, stephen

brrrrr! lamiiiiiiig! the boys were actually super addicted to monopoly...go figure!

awwww!!! miss ko na kayooooooooooooooo!

wala lang! ang saya namin noh?!

um...tagaytay scandal!!!(l-r) arnold, joel, ed (addict sa peanuts), stephen, jonmike

si ed feeling TALL basketball player and ako daw yung #1 fan! hahaha!

nang si michelle ay makagat ng putakte at nagawa pang ngumiti! pesteng putakte yan! we rushed to the clinic after the pic was taken! (taken at the garden of Dencio's)

these guys looooove to pose...and below is what i did to the pic with the help of photoshop! hahaha! this is ed, joel, and stephen at the veranda of joel's place in highlands.

astig noh!?!?

__________________________

courtesy to edrie marie g. bond for the pictures. she's sort of the block camerawoman! hahaha! Gosh! don't you grads miss being a student already?!?

sabi nga ni janice e...ang payat namin noon...pero mas maganda kame NGAYON! hahaha! i couldn't agree more! :p

thank goodness! may jamming sa thursday!

haaay...

wala lang. ang init!

2005-03-29T15:33:00.000+08:00

ang iniiiiiiit! and ang boring! :( haaay...

anyways, i was downloading some songs kanina and i came upon this music video of Blind Melon. it's No Rain, which happens to be one of my favorite songs. wala lang. kakaaliw lang the video! parang ako yung kid na naka bumblebee costume! eheheheh! gwapo ni shannon hoon! super sayang sya. rest in peace, man...love your work!

i got this from a friend...i decided to give it a shot...it's a self-made test im planning to send my friends to see if they really know me. give it a try! see how well you know me! better make sure you get a high score though! hehehe :p

http://michpwet.friendtest.com

i've been swamped by job interviews lately. pero so far, wala pa talaga. oh well. bahala na. basta i need to work na by june. haaay..i feel so old na! it must feel good to earn and spend your own money. pero everybody says na it's harder to spend what you've worked hard for. oh well...we'll see when i get to that! hehehehe...

wala lang...i decided to post some pictures since lately mga sinusulat ko puro drama and all. with matching captions pa to. hehehe :p

_____________________________

this is jeremy! one of my nephews! cute cute noh?? laki laki ng eyes nya!

this is jeremy's kuya, matthew! he's in love with spiderman and the hulk. he's 3 years old but he watches movies like van helsing and underground! hehehe kaya violent na bata to e! hehehe! i've been teaching him how to greet people: "Hey mehn! watsap?" and he does it with a tiny thumb-up! hehehe!

when they had short hair and looked innocent: one of the coolest bands ever, Blind Melon. Shannon Hoon overdosed and died. after he passed away, the band split up.

ROADTRIP!!! bing and i were inside this trike. we were on our way to the studio. tin took the picture from the trike she and jay were in!

and here they are!!!

bing, me, and tin goofing around while waiting for our turn in the auditions of On The Rox. hassle yung gig na yun! hmph!

sakitan na 'to!!! GAME! bing and me in Yuchengco facing the LS building! astig noh?!

oo. pare-pareho kame naka-Chucks and nagtri-tripping lang kme. that's tin bing, and me. sino kaya yung nakared!?!

tagal na this pic! remember this bing?! we're with Papa Marc! haaay! such a cute guy!

during the Green Evo gig. hehehehe...feeling raker...

Green Evo gig minus prijm. si prijm kasi e! pero it was fun din naman! salud!

prijm was a no-show! sayang! ganda pa naman this pic sana! that's ado! then jay (our fab drummer), bing (our kick-ass bassist), Tin (our face-melting guitarist), and me :)

eto si prijm! hehehe! feeling mga angas.

eto pa si prijm!

they're all sooooo serious noh?! bigay na bigay tlga si tin sa pagkanta! hahahaha! :p

hehehe! one of our first pictures as a group! hehehe...yikeeeee!!!
_____________________________

bow. hehehe!

. . . . . . . .

2005-03-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

the routine is becoming quite unbearable for me...

HELLO!!!

i sooooo need something new in my life...

my mind is a mind that i have come to know...
and my eyes can't conceive a world that cannot grow...

it's all about the money.

2005-03-13T20:51:00.000+08:00

money makes the world go around...

so many lives destroyed by it. so many people have gone crazy over it.

but exactly how far can we go without it? or how far can we go if we have it?

so many people working day and night, barely resting so they could make a living...so they could earn money in order feed their families and buy their kids toys and clothes...

yesterday, i read in the newspaper that a woman was killed because she refused to give this man her wallet. and then there was another article about this cabbie who got killed because he refused to give his day's earnings to this man who got in his cab.

many families have been destroyed...brothers and sisters fighting over the inherited wealth. sons and daughters lying to parents so they could get some. parents working overtime that they barely get to spend time with their kids.

why does it always have to be about the money?

can we really be happy if we don't have much of it?
of course, i do believe that there are some things far more important than money. money is just that--MONEY! it buys you yummy food, clothes, fabulous shoes and flashy gadgets...it pays your bills, gives you the massage that you've been wanting for ages, and it gets you to places. for some, money can even buy them pleasure and peace of mind. and for some, money can buy them a high place in the society.

but far too many people just spend too much time worrying about it. i try not to. but it's hard not to when you're surrounded with people who believe that i worship the thing...that i have a certain attachment to it...and that attachment will lead me to lie to people around me...people who are sooooo paranoid about me meeting my "end" because of money...people who believe that i have a money problem. i won't deny it. money is important to me as well. heck! money is important to a lot of people these days!

but it's just that i don't want my world to revolve around money. and i don't want people to think that my world revolves around it. that i will go as far as betray the trust of the people i value just because of money. i'll never go that far! but how? how do i show them? i guess what matters is that i know what's in my heart right? that i have clean intentions and that money is just another superficial thing to me. never mind what other people think!

but i just can't help brooding over this matter because it's someone in my family who believes that i have a money problem. that person's kind of giving me the silent treatment now. haaaay! ang gulo gulo ng buhay...DAHIL LANG SA PERA!!!

gone are the days when everything's free...ngayon lahat may bayad! pati drinking water ngayon binabayaran narin! you'd also be suprised by the number of people who pay for love these days!

haaay....somebody please slap me and tell me i worry too much...

the irony of stability.

2005-03-08T22:03:00.000+08:00

the steadiness shakes my thoughts
and I strain to hear
the voices inside...
yet I find strange comfort
in your predictability.

ahh...the irony of stability.
it rings in my mind.

deafened by the silence...
blinded by the stillness...
i have become numb to
that single finger that's tightly wound
around my heart.
yet, how strangely comforting...

calming.
soothing.
ethereal.

ahh...
the irony of stability.
we all fall victims to it.

when it speaks, we so well
heed it.
then...

we all fall down.

damn.

what's meant to be...

2005-02-28T21:26:00.000+08:00

. . . will be.

bow.

brown-eyed wanderer.

2005-02-26T18:31:00.000+08:00

you run away from everything
you feel
subdues you.
then along comes the
flashy train
to take you away.

seduced by bright lights
and the cityscape,
you turn away
from old carousels and
familiar smells...
yet you keep your grip.

ever wonder where to go?
ever wonder where you want to be?

look in the mirror
and tell me what you see.
a brown-eyed wanderer
whose tears speak of the truth
that she seeks.
her soul is tired,
fingers aching to keep grip
as the train takes her to where
she thinks she wants to be.

human nature.

2005-02-22T17:58:00.000+08:00

what is it about us humans that makes us sooooo fickle?

i mean, one minute we're sooo ridiculously happy; the next, we're bawling our lungs out.
or one day we feel so contented, the next day, we find ourselves looking and looking for something to fill in that gaping hole inside of us.
one day, our lives seem perfect and picturesque...but the next day, we just want to run and hide from it all.
one minute we feel incredibly beautiful, the next we feel super ugly...haaay!
hassle diba?

but i guess, this, all at the same time, is the beauty of being human--being able to make choices.

it is, after all, up to us if we want to be happy or weepy...of course hassle lang kasi most of the time, people around us are not making things any easier...GRRRRR!!!

wala lang...i just thought about this because of yesterday. yesterday was undoubtedly one of the funnest days of my life. practice was practically perfect. and being able to make great music uplifts me more than anything...i was really and incredibly happy yesterday--contented, giddy, and bouncy more than anything!
...and to think i was having such a bad weekend.

then...there are times when i feel that i was born to make music...but sometimes, even I wonder if my making music is meant to be. one minute i feel smart...the next i feel dull as anything...
or that i'm not good enough...haaay...

wala lang.

bored.

2005-02-12T18:14:00.000+08:00

argh! i learned an important lesson today. when your creative mood kicks in, DO NOT IGNORE IT! i repeat, DO NOT IGNORE IT! even if it comes to you at 5 in the morning. or even in the shower. or even while eating. it's the same as ignoring the opportunity to create something beautiful...even ethereal. God! i wish i didn't push it away. and now, this is what i've been reduced to--bored, empty, and looking for something to do. i don't usually ignore these urges but for some reason, i ignored it today and now i feel really empty and AAARGH!!!

and because i am bored...and because i can't find anything else to do, i decided to do this nalang. besides, i've been putting off this entry for a while now.

here are the rules, but i'm sort of changing it: the original rule is you have to write a little something about 15 people. but i'm only writing about 10 instead...then, whoever's reading can try and guess who i'm referring to, but in case you guess right or in case you feel that you're the person i'm referring to, you can't tell me. hahahaha! basta parang ganun! simple lang actually. try nyo din in case wala kayo magawa tulad ko! actually, this makes you think about the people you know and think about them whom you really value. . .here goes! . . . .

i love you dearly as a friend. but it seems that you have way too many demands from a friend of yours. apart from being demanding, you always want things to go your way. if they don't, magtatampo at magdradrama ka. i hate that. i always go out of my way to help you and i don't even get as much as a thank you or a hug, making me feel that i'm appreciated. of course, i don't expect anything whenever i lend a helping hand. pero sana naman, don't throw my efforts out the window. the worst thing you did?! i wrote you a song and you didn't even listen to it when i played it. i gave you a copy of the song saying that i was the one who wrote it, di mo man lang binasa. and when i asked if you read it, you said you threw the paper away thinking it was just scratch paper...didn't even say sorry...oh well...i mean...HELLO! tapos gusto mo pag sinabi mo susunod ako? ano ko?? puppet?!?!
we go a long way back! you may never have known it, but you saved my ass back in high school! i know we didn't exactly click right away...but once again, you have proven that first impressions hardly last...for some people, that is! i miss our kwentuhans, and our panlalait! we barely see each other anymore...but it's good to know that i still have you as a friend! thanks a lot for always giving me a jolt of reality whenever i needed it. thanks for believing in me.
you may probably say that i'm one of the meanest persons in the whole wide world. . .but nevertheless you're still comfy with me...and i'm comfy with you. i never really told you but you're one of the few people that i can actually call a friend...someone i could always count on, someone who would listen, and someone i can totally be myself with. we share something that not many people share...(hmm, ano kaya yun? don't think too deeply!) though we seldom see each other, we talk often through emails and our blogs. pag nagsama tayo, sasabog ang mundo! hahaha! we rock!
i know a lot of musicians. some with real passion for the thing we call music, yet may only know a chord or two. still, there are some who we can say are really "galeng" yet there's no soul exuding as they play. you are one of the few musicians that i know that plays his instrument as if it's his heart that's directing the music. i admire your skill, your passion, and your musician's soul...despite all that you're still humble...definitely someone i could admire on a pedestal. i've known who you are for some time now, but it was only recently that we were introduced properly. and just the fact that you know my name? SHET! masaya na ko and i'm truly honored! can i just add? YOU MAKE PLAYING THE GUITAR REALLY SEXY!!! hahaha! i'm crazy! :p
kulit. crazy. happy-go-lucky. comfortable friend. that's what you are! i know we met each other like 4-5 months ago lang but it seems that we've been friends forever! it amazes me that we have soooo much in common. scary nga e! para tayong kambal! um...hindi ba?!?
can i just say?! you're one of the people i never really thought i could be close to. well, we have some common friends but we never belonged to the same crowd...until now! we share a common passion though...and that passion, i believe, is what brought us together. super laff trip ka kasama...pero sarap ka din kasama during senti and wallowing moments! because we share that same passion, i believe that our souls are intertwined. well, actually, i believe that the souls of everyone who shares this same passion are intertwined. you're one of the most independent people that i know! rakenrol!
you never really did anything bad to me...and i never did anything bad to you. neither can we blame time for what happened. i guess we just drifted apart. that's ok, that's ok. i was even proud of you for deciding to leave your ugly past behind...but what hurts me the most was you left me with it. i know that you see the ghost of your past every time you look at me but that's not enough reason for you to throw me out just like that. i'm your best friend remember? well, i guess i WAS your best friend. there's nothing we can really do about that...
you never cease to amaze me. astig kang tao! low-profile...pero matalino pala! tapos athlete pa! tapos pianista pa! pero what really amazes me is your quiet soul that's really compassionate and humble. bihira ako makakita ng taong kasing talented mo pero super humble na tulad mo. your laid-back attitude is something that everyone should have. you're amazing!
when we lost contact years ago, i thought that our friendship was one that's short-lived...until we stumbled upon each other recently. it's like we were meant to be friends! i enjoyed the last time we went out and caught up on our gossip...and relived our crazy childhood days when we would chase our crushes around and think up names to call them. it amazes me how two people who are sooooo different end up as really, really good friends. the "silent" years seemed to fly away with the sound of our laughter. saya!
nobody ever believed in me the way you do. sometimes nga feeling ko you believe in me more than i believe in myself. you're my forever conscience telling me when to fight and when to surrender...when to hold on and when to let go. you're the mask that i sometimes feel like hiding behind. i super miss our late night talks over coffee and warm ensaymadas...balik ka na dito!!!

inagawan.

2005-02-01T18:48:00.000+08:00

what do you do when you're robbed of something you want so badly?
so badly that you could almost taste it.
feel it...

so badly that you're working double time to get it...
walking extra miles to get to it...
stepping over the line just to have it.

tapos...sa isang iglap,
inagawan ka nalang bigla.

di mo namalayan, inagaw na pala sa'yo yung panaginip mo.
yung pangarap mo.
yung inaasam-asam mo.

ang sakit diba? pero anong gagawin mo?
magagalit ka ba?
magdadabog at magbabagsak ng pinto?
hahanap ng pwedeng sisihin sa pangyayari?
sisigaw hanggang mawala ang boses mo?
iinom hanggang mawalan ka ng malay?
uubusin ang isang kahang yosi?
at umasang lilipad ang sakit kasama ng usok?
iiyak ka ba at umasang
lulunurin ng luha ang sakit na nararamdaman mo?

o tatahimik ka lang?
iiyak ng konti.
magyoyosi at iinom ng konti.
at isiping "pwede ko pa naman makuha yan ulit sa ibang panahon...sa tamang panahon"?

pero paano kung hindi na?

happy endings.

2005-01-18T22:14:00.000+08:00

do you believe in happy endings?

you know--the sappy, sticky sweet and-they-all-lived-happily-ever-after kind of happy ending that makes you want to gag coz it's just waaaaay too sweet...that it's almost surreal? (whew!)

well...I DO.

i used to believe that happy endings happen only in fairy tales...as soon as the princess finds the right prince and the evil stepmother is shunted sideways, everyone would always live happily ever after.

i changed my mind after hearing this pastor speak about happy endings. the pastor spent a good hour and a half telling the congregation about how God is the God of happy endings. i guess the bottom line is that, there's always hope. and i believed him. i'm not really the religious type...but i have always been a person of faith...the pastor talked about having a happy ending no matter what. Even if you're wallowing in problems of all sorts (relationships, financial, personal, whatnot), there's always an end to all sufferings...and that ending is a happy ending. i believed him...i sooo believed him.

thus, i now believe in sappy, sticky sweet happy endings.

whenever my friends and i get together, we almost always manage to steer the conversation to the ethereal (hehehehe!) topic that is LOVE. (and i always ask myself, can we talk about something else?!?) and then i begin to wallow in self-pity...and go on an endless rant about the day i'll finally meet Mr. Right...and then later on, my dear friends follow suit...and before we know it, we're wiping tears off our faces, or drift off in happy daydreams, or just continue wallowing...what hap-hap-happy group of friends are we, huh?! (did i mention that the whole conversation is always punctuated with sighs of different pitches and tones?!)

i used to believe that i'll never find my Mr. Right and that i'll end up an old maid (Lord, please...NO!) all hope gone, i started feeling sorry for myself and stopped believing that he is somewhere out there...until that pastor spoke! nope, i haven't found him yet, and i don't really care that much...but that's beside the point...

the point is that we should never, and i mean NEVER lose hope. amidst problems and pain, hope is the only rope that we can hang on...nothing else. i guess it's about time that we start thinking positively. on some days when life is especially hard, it may be challenging to hang on...it may even hurt a whole lot more if we keep hanging on. but of course, draw the line and know when to let go...

i know he's somewhere out there...and somewhere in time, i'll find him. (think Serendipity)
i know that somewhere in time, my band will get the opportunity to share our music with the world...and shoot our first music video. (i'll give you guys autographs hassle-free...promise!)
i know that somewhere out there, my dream job is waiting for me. (libre ko kayo sa unang sweldo! game?!)
and i know that somehow...the world will find peace. (bow!)

it's all a matter of keeping your faith...and hanging on even if it hurts...

remember:

what's meant to be...WILL be.

...and we all lived happily ever after!

...loves it!

2005-01-10T18:58:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to write something totally different for this post...however, i digress! hahahaha! so instead, i give you this! . . . . .

i love taking pictures! i love capturing special moments i spend with people i treasure! given that, i've fallen head over heels in love with my new phone...it takes great pictures!!! it doesn't have fancy effects such as "actual lighting" or whatnot...but it works for me! i love it!

i thought i'd share some of these moments you guys! new layout, new post! :p here goes...

_________________________

this is my tambayan...the TAPAT tambayan! if there's anything that i miss about being a student, it's hanging out at this tambayan...so, so, soooooo many memories sa tambayang ito.... *sigh* mga late night issue discussions, bonding with different people through music and kwentos, dude-watching (ehehehe), power naps, occassional arguments, panlalait, cramming homework and project proposals...DAMI TALAGA!!!(photo taken using my phone!)

these are my beloved and lovely friends...hehehe...that's (L-R) cherish, me, edrie, barbie, and hazel! (photo taken using my phone!)

make way, make way for the new OLD CORE!!! hahahaha! complete ang EB and chairs! whooo!! SEATED: Chennes, Ben, Kayteedoo, Jay, Me
STANDING: Stephy, Elvin (ayiiiiieee!!), Boomie (this was his sort of despedida), and Mito

this is my new friend! and my soul sister! hahahaha! we rocked the pants off MarkProf! This is Rain! Our signature outfit in MarkProf? The preppy look! yeeeh! (photo taken using my phone!)

aww!! i miss these girls na, although some of us got together just the other week...yung ISA JAN hindi pumunta! that's Ther, Me, Jade, and Gracie LouLou.

ehem. "oh my god! that's so kikay!" indeed, this is our favorite sentence! with Barbie...we are the Banyo Beauties! wahahahaha! (photo taken using my phone!)

passionvent...we are the girls of Glint. That's me, Tin, and Bing basking in the beauty of music.(photo taken using my phone!)

i miss these guys a LOT! they made the whole college experience a fabulous one!
BACK: Arnold, Stephen, Me, Hazel, Cherish, Ed
FRONT: Joel, Edrie, JB

our theme song is Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey. hehehe! this is my singing partner, Mito! super galing! i so miss your driving and our trips home and our singing sessions! :p (photo taken using my phone!)

finally, this is janice. she's a pwet like me. she's my senti partner though she's in denial and refuses to have anything to do with LOVE. talk about BITTER! kidding!

_________________________

there!!! loves, loves, loves, loooooves it!!!

knowing who you are.

2005-01-06T11:52:00.000+08:00

out of boredom, i took this silly test that tells you what kind of soul you have. (there are different types of souls pala! hehehe!) and here's what i got:

The Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life.

that got me thinking... (even if i called the test some kind of silly!)

then it hit me...

though i love me (oh come on! i know you love you, too!), i realized that perhaps i don't know me that well yet! there are some instances when i'd just surprise myself with things that i don't normally say or do.

the perfect example that i have is this workshop that i recently attended. everybody there said that i'm too nice...um...hehehehe... (guys, wag nyo nalang kausapin yung ibang friends ko a! baka masira pagtingin nyo sakin! :p) i surprised myself by being nice to everybody and giving myself a break from all the panlalait that i usually do....hmm...

don't get me wrong.
i AM a nice person.
not all the time, though...

this new year, i decided to do something different. i decided to spend more time with ME.

no, no, no! this is not a vanity or narcissistic thing. i decided to get to know ME a little better. i decided that maybe, all my confusion stems from not knowing who i am and what i want in life. besides, getting to know ME better might just help me deal with life: with different people, with different situations, with different experiences. who knows?! i may just turn out to be such a nice person!!! hmm...tama yung sinabi nung definition ng soul thingy na yan..perfectionist nga ata ako...yaaaaaaaak!

anyways, so i made a deal with myself...i'll spend more time with ME!

watch a movie alone...and binge on a large tub of buttered popcorn!!! i can cry if i want to...i can laugh out loud like a maniac...i can even sleep in there if i want to! :p no other people to influence what i want to do!!!! yeeeey!!!
take a walk alone...and take in the beauty of the city...and just do some thinking.
go to the salon. get a manicure and pedicure. get my hair cut. get some hot oil treatment. it's time i pamper myself.
shopping, shopping, shopping! shopping alone lets you make some really tough decisions. no kidding! shopping alone will make you realize, too, what your own style is! no more copying what others wear!
coffee break. order myself a hot cup of coffee. put in all the sugar and cream that i want...then sit down and do some thinking.
food trip! food trip! food trip!
take loads of pictures of myself. uh..yup! vain ako! i admit... :p
go dancing alone! i can go dancing inside my room!!! :p

being with different people will also help me find out who i am...what i want in other people...what i don't...

different situations, may it be heartbreaking or heartwarming, may also draw the line as to who i am.

but i guess, as person, we'll continuously change. there really may be some instances that we'll surprise ourselves. if it's a good surprise, it's a keeper. if it's not, ditch it...ASAP!

one thing i promise not to do though? not to talk to myself OUT LOUD and IN PUBLIC. the last thing i want to be is a crazy airhead.

so what do you think? won't you try and get to know who you are, too?

lend me tomorrow.

2004-12-20T13:02:00.000+08:00

so cold...
yesterday's so cold...
numbing my thoughts...
freezing my words...
shook me to the core,

unable to move,
unable to feel...

empty wishes that haunt me...
promises broken and gone...
yesterday...
today...

lend me tomorrow
swing me to the sunlight
let me embrace the new day...

lend me tomorrow
that i may become.

i could throw away yesterday,
breakaway from today
if only i could borrow tomorrow...

then today
supposedly a brand new day...
(it) bound me even tighter
crushing my resolve
shut me to my core,

unable to move,
unable to feel...

water's escaped my cupped hands...
listless thoughts and empty dreams...
yesterday...
today...

lend me tomorrow
swing me to the sunlight
let me embrace the new day...

lend me tomorrow
that i may become.

i could throw away yesterday,
breakaway from today
if only i could borrow tomorrow...

NOT TO DO list.

2004-12-16T10:21:00.000+08:00

my past posts have been nothing but rants about how life has been cruel to me. *sob!* but right now, i feel giddy!!! nope, i'm not in love...i just feel...HAPPY.

hehehehe! :p

while i was working out (watch out Christian Uy! i hope you're saving up for MY lechon and MY brand new wardrobe!), i decided to check out the flurry of activities around me. and then, i saw something that gave me the idea of making a NOT TO DO list. i began smiling (people must've thought i was crazy) because i kept thinking of crazy NOT TO DO stuff...i thought i'd share some of them!

hihihihihihi!!! :p

this is my GYM NOT TO DO List...i'll share my other NOT TO DO stuff maybe in another post!

GYM NOT TO DO LIST:

NEVER wear white leggings if you're planning to go running on a treadmill. you'll surely attract a lot of, uh...attention.
NEVER wear printed underwear and white leggings. (i obviously have something against this someone who's wearing her white leggings wrongly)
NEVER wear short shorts if you've got dark, uh...you know!
NEVER wear short shorts if you've got dark, uh...you know...and then perform a split in front of a lot of people. i assure you, they won't be delighted! (am i mean, or am i mean??!?)
NEVER wear a dark green velvety sports bra top (MY GOD! DO THEY ACTUALLY SELL THAT?!?!) and a blood-red velvety pair of leggings (MY GOD! THEY ACTUALLY SELL THAT!!! What are you trying to do?!?!? Land a part as one of Santa's elves!?!?)
NEVER wear your hair down while exercising...and then later on complain how annoying it is, fanning all over your sweaty face. (DU-UH!!!)
Please...i'm begging you...NEVER, and i mean NEVER wear a pair of shiny silvery sweatsuits!!!!! please! (Michelle kneeling down at your feet begging you not to)
NEVER go to the gym without your towel. you wouldn't want to look like a human faucet, would you!??! i mean, ew.
NEVER go running on the treadmill if you don't have your sports bra on...i mean, COME ON!!!
NEVER wear a mere sports bra as a top if you know your belly skin is wrinkled. i mean, what are you trying to do?!?! are you trying to encourage us or are you trying to scare us off the gym?!?!?

you've been warned!!!

if you've got something to add, let me know! *wink, wink*

lightning crashes.

2004-12-06T18:02:00.000+08:00

i can feel it
coming back again...

like a rolling thunder
chasing the wind...

forces pulling from the
center of the earth again...

i can feel it...

puppet.

2004-11-30T11:24:00.000+08:00

you run away,
but with strings attached
you fail.

everyday
trying to breakaway...

you're losing your sight...

blinded...
cheated...
wasted...

enough of this game
and breakaway...

cut the strings
that bind you.
break the chains
around you.
no more treading
in the dark.
run before it gets you,
don't let it
take you.
breakaway...

currently feeling: manipulated and broken

relapsing relapses.

2004-11-23T19:13:00.000+08:00

fever, cough, colds, body aches, emotions, feelings . . . love . . .

what do all these have in common? well, they can all come back in varying states of relapses.

the word is a paradox in itself. can something actually subside and worsen all at the same time? well, maybe, we're taking the meaning too literally that we are able to understand the word too shallowly. see, that's the problem...

that has always been the problem.

we read the lines too cautiously and too carefully that we forget to read what's in between them. before we know it, we're in trouble, and TADAAAAH!!!

relapse.

____________________

relapse. n: the act or an instance of backsliding, worsening, or subsiding.

which one is it?

____________________

hard to tell, isn't it? but we all know: it ain't gonna be pretty. . .

the world is my stage.

2004-11-12T21:07:00.000+08:00

nothing seems real
in this picturesque world.
forever's a mere word
i continue to swim
in listless dreams.

stuck behind
a mask of lies,
pretending to be someone else.
ignoring the flashes
of light before me
i go on with my act.

i'm an actor...
...and the world is my stage.

change has become
the enemy,
i'm bound in
chains of memories.
got to move on to my next act,
got to throw this mask away.

i'm an actor...
...and the world is my stage.

living off lies to
preserve a pretty face.
running through my lines in haste
while the world
is changing phase.
going around in circles,
i find no escape.

i'm an actor...
...and the world is my stage...

currently feeling: masked and suffocated

being twenty-something.

2004-11-07T19:05:00.000+08:00

i am currently in a state of confusion. i don't know what i want right now. i feel scared. i feel alone. i was thinking maybe something's wrong with me. i mean, i thought i'm through with this stage! you know, the perils of teenage drama! i'm 21 now....way over my teen years....so how come i'm feeling this way?!? must i be going out of my head?!? i don't know.

i was thinking that maybe, it was because graduate na ako...i don't have much of a life right now. no school and classes to think about. my friends and i rarely see each other. no activity approvals to make my head ache and my adrenaline rush. wala. all i have is my band. thank god for that.

as in all i'm doing right now is think about life...and it's not doing me any good! goodness! i want out! i need something to keep me busy! i think i might be needing a job sooner than later. i feel as if nawawalan na ko ng gana over the things that i love to do.

no, no, no..... (rocking back and forth with my arms around me)

anyhoo, a friend (who's probably confused, too! haha!) sent me an article that made me feel a whole lot better and ceased my confusions to a less alarming level. apparently, i'm not alone! yeey!!

so girls and boys, i think you might want to read this especially if you're in a state of confusion right now. you're not alone. this is completely normal. i'm pretty sure there's something better that's waiting for us out there. as they say, there's always a rainbow after the rain. read on!

---------------------------------------

BEING TWENTY-SOMETHING

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.
You feel alone and scared and confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you.

Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...

...and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender...

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

---------------------------------------

there you have it! isn't it nice to know that you're not the only one who's being haunted by changes and the past? i'm saying this to you as well as to myself: MOVE FORWARD! do not be afraid. let the change take place and be thankful for it. don't cling to the past just because you're comfortable with it.

let life take place.
embrace it.
love it.
find yourself
and don't be afraid of who you are meant to be.

breakaway.

2004-10-29T22:24:00.000+08:00

get over it and move on.

when we usually mope around and whine to our friends about how life fell short of our expectations, all our patient friends could do is bite back their tongue and stop themselves from bopping us on the head, and tell us rather sympathetically (while getting increasingly annoyed of our relentless prattling) that we should get over whatever it is and move on. right? right? right?
(go on, bop me! bop meeee!)

my guy best friend (well, he used to be) is the epitome of moving on. to make the long story short, here's what happened: his life got really messed up (his ex messed it up for him and i'm telling you, it's really messed up), he turned to me for "support," we became best friends (which made life even more messed up for him since his ex made our friendship an issue), then (surprise!) i ended up falling. just like that. and then he fell, too.....for another girl (one of my best girlfriends, to be exact)...then just like that...pfft! it's gone. it felt as if ice-cold water was thrown to my face. i was appalled. but i was still there for him, nevertheless. (oo na, martyr na!) i never felt like i wanted to bop him...perhaps, it was because i loved him then.

(mich: oh god! i hope he never reads my blog!
annoyed friend of mich: duh! you posted this on the net, where everyone can see...DUH!
mich: ok...go on, hit me! hit meeeeeeee!)

anyway, what happened was eventually, things started to look up for him. and just like any sane person, he decided, it was time to move on and leave his past behind. unfortunately, i was part of his messed up past. so best friends and all, he decided to leave me behind as well. we barely talk now. actually, he barely talks to me now. his best guy pal tells me that he can't bear to see me because i remind him of his ugly past. as if ako yung nag mess up ng life nya! saya!

it was like one moment we were okay, the next i found myself in the dumps.

when the past gets left behind, one person is bound to stay with it until that person is ready to pack his bags and walk away completely healed.

it takes time...but eventually, we just need to breakaway. sometimes, it's easier to just move on and forget about the problem, rather than facing problem head on.

leave the past behind.
breakaway.
don't hold yourself back.
breakaway.

some people say that breaking away is the coward's way out. but i say, to breakaway is to embrace the change that comes from healing. it's like a wound. when a wound heals, sometimes it forms a scar. it's there to remind us that the past is real. but what kind of person in the right state of mind would scrape the scar open again? (a masochiiiiist!) diba? diba?

sometimes, we just need to let go.

out-of-college life...

2004-10-11T13:55:00.000+08:00

it's amazing how time seems to fly when you're having fun. i remember my first day as a freshman as if it was just yesterday. and now, eto, graduate na...naghahanap ng trabaho...nagpapaka-bum...tinitignan yung collection ng pictures at nagrereminisce...tinitignan yung mga nakaw na pictures ng mga crushes at mga pasimpleng pictures WITH the crushes AT NAGREREMINISCE...grabe...so, this is how it feels...

sitting in front of my PC at 2:00 in the afternoon, knowing that nothing really awaits me (i mean, no classes, no projects, just hopeless job hunting), makes me wish i was back in a beloved LS classroom, waiting for a prof...and wishing that the prof is absent para makapag-chismisan with the people...or maski tambay lang sa Tapat, masaya na ko...

don't get me wrong...this is the LIFE! saya pala maging bum! after all the projects and marathons (yung mga tipong race against time tapos pabalik-balik ka sa office ni cordero and ni mam kit...grabe! total body conditioning!), i sooooo appreciate the peace and quiet of my house. i don't have any intentions of staying this way forever, although it's not a bad idea! hehehe :p

i'm truly amazed. the things i've gone through during college are nothing short of a miracle. everything! ... the good, the bad, the so-so stuff...i treasure every moment. of course there are things that i'd rather forget like the instance when my crush made me cry....but nevertheless, everything else was rather rewarding. and everything will surely be missed....

i'll miss my blockmates, although i know that we'll see each other again. the bond that we have is really something else. parang highschool, pero totoo naman e! i miss the noise and the way we can get our profs REALLY mad enough to shave points off us! i'll miss stephen's before-class prayers, and harold's jokes. i'll miss joel's recitation-mode voice, and barbie's OC-ness in re-writing notes. i'll miss the way i always say tintin when im talking to april, and say april when im talking to tintin. i'll miss edrie's block pictures (mind you, she's got loads of them!), and hazel's and cherish's dramatic entrances. i'll miss everything about our block...waaaah!

i will miss hanging out in a classroom...waiting for the prof...then rejoicing kasi absent yung prof tapos free cut.

i'll miss having the honored feeling of announcing to the class that 20minutes have elapsed without the prof and they're free to go.

i'll miss hanging out at the tambayan and over-analyzing stuff with people.

i'll miss hanging out at the tambayan and over-analyzing people...hehehe :p

i 'll miss hanging out in a random corner and strumming away on my guitar and learning stuff from people. i've met some really cool people on those corners. more importantly, i've rediscovered my passion for music through these jamming sessions...amazing!

of course, i'll miss Tapat. i'll miss everything about it....'nuff said...

they say, "Relationships don't make life better...they make life POSSIBLE." there are countless people whom i want to thank for making my college life possible. as cheesy as it sounds, i don't think that there's another way for me to put it. people, you know who you are. i need not mention any names...but let me tell you, I'M GRATEFUL! and i'll eternally be grateful.

every now and then, i look back...and every now and then, i smile. i don't feel sorry for missed opportunities or for the consequences of wrong choices. instead, i'm thankful. and i thank God for making me experience all these...i thank Him for making me go to college. i thank Him for making me discover life.

habulan...

2004-09-22T18:15:00.000+08:00

habulan,
ako na naman ang taya.
pilit na naghahabol ng lumisan na...
habulan,
ako na naman ang talo.
paikot-ikot sa palaruang
walang tao.

of life and performances...

2004-09-22T17:45:00.000+08:00

last saturday's gig wasn't bad at all, considering that the lead guitar's 2nd string broke and we all got out of beat later on! i was kind of sad back then but now i'm just laughing at it! there's a lot of time to improve ourselves, as that was only our 1st major gig...kaya i'm not too worried!

oh yah...WE'RE GOING ELECTRIC NA!!! yipee!! we got ourselves a drummer na kasi...! yeeey! i'm really excited!

nothing exciting's really going on with my life now...i'm trying to find work and i'm currently enjoying being a bum!

today, i worked out, watched the amazing race (i don't like chip and kim! hmph!), watched a ton of DVDs, slept, slept, slept...THIS IS THE LIFE, PARE!!! whooo!!!

do watch out for Glint! i'll be posting future gigs here! we're getting better, if i do say so myself! we're getting our act together and i know we'll be great! hah!!

drugs.

2004-09-07T17:48:00.000+08:00

what a day! went to the gym (yes, i'm working out na! kaya christian uy, better prepare my lechon and wardrobe na!), then took a nap and then my buddies came for a jamming session! saya!

it's really amazing how music can clear your mind...how music can take you to another world. parang drugs.

have you ever ridden a roller coaster? the one with lots of twists and loops, and fabulous drops? remember that exhilerating feeling after the ride that makes you want to have another go on it? that's exactly how music makes me feel...

pero extra high yung feeling when you actually get to finish playing a song that you really like. like kanina, we covered no rain by blind melon. i did the bass, tintin and prijm played the guitars, and jhude beat the hell out of our mini-bongo...amazing grabe!

it's absoutely wonderful.
it makes me feel light.
it clears my mind.
tangena, parang drugs!

grabe! til now, high parin ako! asteeeeg!!!

music is my drugs.
nakaka-high.
nakakapraning.
nakakahilo.
pero masaya.
ang pinakaimportante?
LIBRE!!!

saya!

art attack!!

2004-09-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

whew! i was at national bookstore the other day. i was supposed to buy some CD labels. i was searching for the aisle where those circly, weird things were when suddenly....I FOUND MYSELF IN THE "AISLE." on one side of me, there were crayons and pastels and colored pencils. then on the other side, there were poster paints and oil paints and water colors. and on the other side of the shelves i found colored glue and slick paint and fabric paint and glitter glue. suddenly, the child in me started getting giddy!

i felt like a 5-year old set loose inside a candy store. absolutely intoxicating. i never felt that way since i was in 3rd grade and was going shopping for new notebooks and pencil cases..i remembered buying a pink pencil tin with bunnies. hahaha!

for some reason, i found those art stuff irresistible. i was on a budget and i was totally torn between giving in to the demands of inner child and getting those CD labels i needed for my thesis. think, think, think...

my 5-year old self started throwing a tantrum...i gave in! darnit...anyways, here are the things that i bought:

fabric paint in baby blue, rose pink, black, and green
gold, blue, red, and green glitter glue
a 24-pc. set of felt-tip markers
a box of Crayola crayons (48 colors! yeey!)
poster paint (white, black, blue, gold)
some construction paper
some board paper

there are still some things that i wanted to buy but i simply can't afford it at the moment. such as a fabulous corkboard (are these 2 separate words or what?!), some new pencils, gel pens, and some new paintbrushes.

oh! as for the CD labels, i just printed the design on plain white bond paper, cut it out, put double-sided tape on it and VOILA! you won't even be able to tell that it wasn't a sticker label! heeeheeee!

rak on!!!

2004-08-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

Modern rock! You're very good! Your lyrics have
lots to say, but you can go crazy sometimes...
Careful now... Just keep making that music
that keeps the rock world watching!

What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

venting out.

2004-08-24T09:25:00.000+08:00

don't tell me i can't drive
because i can.

don't tell me i can't pick my mess up
because i can.

don't tell me i can't wash my clothes
because i can.

don't tell me i can't do things the way you do
because i can.
it's just that i dont want to
because I AM NOT YOU.

don't tell me i can't ace Algebra
because i can.

don't tell me i can't cross the street on my own
because i can.

don't tell me i can't make it in the future
because i can.

don't tell me i can't play the guitar
because i can.
it's just that you're too busy getting mad at my "NOISE"
that you failed to notice
my struggling musician's soul.

don't tell me i can't draw
because i can.

don't tell me i can't cook
because i can.

don't tell me i can't sing
because i can.

don't tell me i can't become like "THIS"
because i can.
maybe if you stopped grumbling for a minute
you would see that THIS is BRILLIANT;
that THIS is MARVELOUS;
that THIS is TALENTED;
that THIS IS ME...

currently feeling put-down

manic GLINT!!!

2004-08-23T13:08:00.000+08:00

this is GLINT practicing at my place...
this is our pre-gig...in front of our house, during sunset...that's me, tin, and bing. prijm's behind the cam...ganda the "backdrop" noh? super di sinasadya yan! we got surprised nalang bigla!

Sisikat din kame! hahahaha! as soon as we find a drummer and percussionist, that is! :p

of videokes and mad singing

2004-08-23T10:58:00.000+08:00

i guess it's kinda late to make this kwento as this happened 2 fridays ago...but i just thought about it and it brought a smile to my face.

it was the 13th of August...the D-Day...as in DEFENSE DAY...for our thesis...after this day, i'm gonna be FREE!

and so defense na...tapos, TAPOS NA! wheee!!!

my friends, who belonged to another group, had to bring their company rep back to Cainta. i went with them because i was simply looking forward to spending time with them. after that, we decided to go back to Prov and do the videoke thing. (we came to this decision after 10 years...hehehe) hah! i was excited!

after another 10 years waiting for a vacant room, i was finally holding a mic in one hand and a bunch of 5-peso coins in the other.

first song: STAY by Lisa Loeb...hahaha! laugh trip! we're sooo trying to vent our stress through this song. kawawang mic! he got the most of it! but we were ok, hazel and i! we got 96 ata yun and the videoke machine told us that we were awesome! hahaha! NANIWALA NAMAN KAME!

we sang a bunch of songs from Sting's Every Little Thing She Does, to Backstreet Boys' Quit Playing Games With My Heart.

i had a fabulous time to say the least. i felt every song...i shouted (yes, SHOUTED!) when i had to. i closed my eyes when the lyrics got mushy...my hands were all over the place!

mad...absolutely!

but i wasn't the only one! hahaha! hazel, edrie, and arnold had their own shares of mad singing!

who ever thought the videoke could be so much fun?! i guess anything becomes fun when you're with friends.

to new guitars and lasting friendships!!!

2004-08-18T21:37:00.000+08:00

i thought i'd never see the sun shine on my days again. for the past few days, i felt trapped inside a dark room. finally, the sun shone and flooded my little dark room with more light than i expected! last saturday, I GOT A NEW GUITAR!!!! yep! a NEW GUITAR!!! he's soooo beautiful! he's an RJ Bowlerblack...he's nothing fancy but he's sooooo beautiful. the sound? pare, heavenly! he's an acoustic-electric with 3 beautiful colors. basta amazing talaga...

the moment i laid eyes on him, i knew i had to get him...it was love at first sight. i wanted him. i told my dad that that was the one i wanted, and that was the guitar i'm going to buy when i have the money. then, the most amazing thing happened...MY DAD SAID HE WAS GOING TO BUY IT FOR ME!!! i didn't think twice and i jumped at the offer. i couldn't wait to bring him home! but something sad happened...i couldn't bring him home that day because his wood was dented and he needed to be repaired...and so i had to endure one night with thoughts of my new baby in the hands of a complete stranger...it was no comforting thought...

FINALLY!!! SUNDAAAAY!!! i was sooo sure i could take him home! and i did!!! as soon as i lifted him out of the trunk of our car, i felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. i carefully set the box on the floor and cut its bindings with great care. i opened the box and i breathed deeply...it smelled of wood and varnish and paint...it was absolutely intoxicating. and then, there he was! my beautiful new baby lying amidst a bunch of wrapping paper.

what to call him? i thought of a name carefully...i love dale (my 10-yr old Craftman Classical guitar) deeply...but i don't think i can give dale's brother a cartoon-y name...sheesh...sorry dale! so...what to call him?? john? NAH! brent? nope, sounds like a wrestler's name. ralph? nope, sounds dorky. martin? NO WAY!!! greg? come on! i can do better than that!!! then, it hit me...GEORGE...yup, it's a common name...my friend said it sounded something straight out of a porno movie! BUG OFF!!! i like the name. its beautiful. it sounds strong and very masculine. and it's the name of one of the greatest musicians ever. there! GEORGE, my new beautiful baby...dale's brother...

hmm...let me backtrack...last friday was my defense...finally! i can now get my social life back. the very first thing i did was meet up with my friends. i realized that day how much they mean to me. i realized that they add beauty to my life. God! i missed my friends sooooo much! i thank God for giving me a bunch of great people whom i can be myself with...

hazel! my gurlfriend! i miss you soo much, sweetie! now that we have thesis out of our way, we can hang out more often! at magkakaroon ka narin ng date kasi andito na ko! hehehe...i missed your infectious laugh, pare! hope we can hang out again and sing our lungs out sa Prov one of these days! i love you, gurlfrend!

edwee-uuh! dude! i soooo missed you and our talks. you know that i consider you as one of the people whom i can really open up to. thanks for hearing me out during one of my "on-fire" days. thanks for letting me cry when i needed to and for listening...you may think it's not much, but it meant the whole world to me. i love you, eds!

barbie! my banyo-mate! my bestfriend when it comes to kakikayan and kwentuhan. i miss our banyo trips together. i miss our kwentuhan...i miss seeing your super animated face whenever you make kwento! thanks for hearing me out the other day. it meant a whole lot to me! i love you!

gracielle, ther, and jade. i miss you guys! i miss our kulitan! i get to see gracie and jade more often than you, ther! but i still love you, nonetheless. alis tyo! i love you three!

cherish. bacteria! i miss you, pare! di na kita nakikita talaga. parang iniwan mo na talaga kame..
:( nagdrama ba daw? heeeheee...i know you miss us din naman e! hehehe alis tyo one time a? miss ko na yung kwentuhan naten...i love you!

besty ko...i sooo miss you, sweetie! i regret not having to spend much time with you...but you know that i love you no matter what, right? mwah!

my siiiisss CHAR-CHAR!!! my number one fan! yuck! feeling talaga ako! remember that one night when you called? i didn't tell you then but sobrang perfect ng timing mo. that night, i badly needed to hear a friend's voice. then you called...you are, and will always be, my lifesaver. though we don't talk much, i know you're there. i know i can always count on you. i love you, sis. you're the best! mwah!

GLINT!!! my precious, beloved band. you're the light at the end of the tunnel. the fact that we can get together and create music has kept me running still. i'm truly looking forward to more sessions with you guys. the music we make is my booster shot...we have to get together soon!!! i badly need that shot more than anything!!!

haay!!! FRIENDS...and DALE...and GEORGE...life can't get any better and sweeter than this!!!

there's no such thing as CLOSE FRIENDS...

2004-08-04T09:35:00.001+08:00

how could there be no such thing? are you crazy!?!?

here's the thing...it's my dad who said it...

...it made me think.
...it made me mad.
...it made me wonder.
...it made me sad.
(yuck! rhyming ba daw?!?)

i mean, COME ON! we all practically survive this world because of our friends. i know i shouldn't mind it. but it bothered me a lot.

for such a long time now, i have depended a lot on friends. hearing that from someone who i consider a friend made me think... "so, Pa...Hindi tyo close?!?"

argh! i think it's that generation gap again! wala lang...just venting...

walking in the rain.

2004-07-29T11:38:00.000+08:00

my friend and i decided to watch a movie after work...we watched harry potter. (for real!) when we got out of the movie house, it was really raining hard but we both had to go home. i was caught unprepared. i didn't have a jacket and i didn't have an umbrella. i was alone. i went home alone. i commuted alone...then i had to walk alone...in the rain...without a jacket...and an umbrella...and someone (pffft!!)...thus, the song.
__________

cloudy sheets blurring my vision
gray slates freezing the insides of me
melancholy whispers in my ear
i'm walking in the rain

like a seashell
in a tidalwave
i try to look
and find my place

i'm walking in the rain
bowing my head against the wind
i hugged myself tightly
and tried to feel you there
i raised my head
and find that i'm alone
walking in the rain...

i raised my head proudly
to the rain
i'm not surprised at how
it seemed to swallow me
cool pinpricks pelted my face
i shivered as
it touched my soul...

i'm walking in the rain
bowing my head against the wind
i hugged myself tightly
and tried to feel you there
i raised my head
and find that i'm alone
walking in the rain...

dreams.

2004-07-26T15:18:00.000+08:00

when i was little, my lolo would always tell me to dream big. as i grew older, my parents kept on telling me to work hard and make my dreams come true. and then, there's this book that says that people are never too old to dream. no matter how old you are, you can still dream big. i'm now 21...indeed older, definitely wiser! but i don't stop dreaming. in fact, here is a brief list of my dreams that are yet to be accomplished. now don't go thinking mushy stuff a la mandy moore in a walk to remember. ehehehe..actually, you can think of it that way... **blush..**

1. climb Mt. Everest
2. star in a Broadway musical
3. be a ROCKSTAR!!!
4. be the most popular guitar-playing girl (did i say that right??)
5. walk on the moon
6. circle saturn's rings
7. drive an aircraft
8. make my own empire in COSMETICS!!!
9. develop my own robot
10. be a deep sea diver
11. look at a star up close and personal
12. have a tankful of clownfish
13. marry a prince so i can be a princess
14. just plain TO GET MARRIED!
15. have my own little angels
16. have my very own house "CRIBS" style
17. open my very own art gallery
18. meet mark wahlberg in person
19. meet john lennon in person (that would be kind of scary...)
20. be in two places at once (it really is my dream...but it kind of got baduy after the a walk to remember movie)
21. design a whole wardrobe
22. be a ramp model
23. wear a bikini--a STRING BIKINI!!!
24. have a waistline of 24, a chest of 36 (well, achieved na tong part na to! sobra sobra pa nga e!!! Ü), and a butt of 36 (WHEW! good luck nalang!!!)
25. build my own rest house in waikiki
26. go around the world...IN A CRUISE SHIP!
27. go to a vacation at the Bahamas!
28. duet with elmo and ernie
29. play with incubus in one of their concerts
30. play in Figo's team this coming FIFA World Cup

there's always something to be thankful for.

2004-07-25T22:35:00.000+08:00

when life gives us lemons, more often than not, we wince and whine of its sourness...but this is what i realized today...no matter how shitty life becomes, no matter how wrong everything seems, no matter how stormy it gets, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR...

my blanket is quite short, so my feet is almost always cold...but i'm thankful because it keeps the rest of my body warm!
i have a fever because a few drops of rain hit me...but i'm thankful because i know my body is working normally to fight off harmful thingies!
i feel like my brain is mush from thinking too much for our thesis...but i'm thankful because i know that i have a brain and that it's working!
i feel too loaded with stuff from school...but i'm thankful because I GET TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!
i'm putting on more and more weight because i'm always pigging out...but i'm thankful because i have food to eat...AND i'm thankful because i'm now well-padded! Ü
my favorite shirt has sunk out of fit...but i'm thankful because i get to buy a new one!
my friends always tease me about anything and everything (from my "built" to my no-nonsense hirits)...but i'm thankful because i know i got friends who are comfortable with me and who don't pretend to be assholes! i love you, guys!!!

there are lots more things to be thankful for...so next time, instead of seeing the bad, try to look at the good!

the wig.

2004-07-24T20:55:00.000+08:00

I was hunting for bargains this afternoon at Landmark. I lined up for the dressing room (and people had no money, indeed!). Two ladies came up behind me and started making siksik to me, as if they can’t wait to get to the dressing room. In so doing, they bumped into a mannequin who was quietly standing on the side and knocked the poor statue’s wig off. The saleslady put it back on with a sidelong evil look at the eager ladies. After 10 years, I was finally in front of the line…and the 2 ladies are still making me siksik. I was getting annoyed. And then later, their conversation struck me and I forgot to be annoyed with them. Here’s the conversation (which I painstakingly tried to remember as it struck me hilariously funny!).

Lady 1: Ay! Ano ba yan? Parang hindi na nagsusklay, o!
Mich: Getting more annoyed at the minute…they were teasing some unsuspecting disheveled person!
Lady 2: Oo nga noh!
Lady 1: Nahulog kasi yan kanina, e!
Mich: rolled her eyes, sighed, and took a sidelong glance…AND SAW THE LADIES FINGERING THE POOR STATUE’S HAIR!
Lady 1: Totoo kaya itong buhok na ito? (still making me siksik! ANNOYING!)
Lady 2: Ano ka ba? Synthetic yan noh! Grabe naman kung totoo!
Lady 1: Ay! Alam ko na! Yan yung mga buhok sa parlor! Yung mga ginupit na buhok iniipon nila tapos binebenta nila! Sabi ng kaibigan ko dati, ganun yun!
Lady 2: Ahhh…ganun pala…kaya pala…puro split-ends na, o!
Mich: trying hard not to guffaw…

Go figure….

sunny days.

2004-07-22T22:26:00.000+08:00

Went to an institution for street children today as part of my UNICEF volunteer work. we played with the children and gave them a chance to share their dreams with us. It was really moving… imagine having to dream REALLY big for a pair of jeans and a new shirt. I became especially attached to two kids. Their names are Rowena and Jerick.

Rowena was a street child who was picked up by DSWD and brought to the institution. Her wish? She wants her parents to get married someday so they could be a family. As we played, she stared at me with her huge eyes brimming with gratitude, showing me that she was truly happy that I was there with her. I was moved.

Jerick’s story, on the other hand, is much more dramatic than Rowena’s. Jerick is a handsome little boy who was intentionally left by her mother on a street corner. DSWD workers picked him up and was brought to the institution. He had no name, no birthday, and no voice. He simply refused to speak. He had gashes and cuts all over. He refused to be around women. He was impermeable to the noise around him. Our suspicion? He was abused by his very own mother. When I saw this frisky, enthusiastic little boy, it was hard to imagine he went through all those pain. He was given a new name. And he was given a new birthday. He is JERICK. He is 6 YEARS OLD.

The kids welcomed us like no other stranger would. We were treated like kings and queens, and they want us to come back again!

It’s hard to imagine the kind of hell that each child in that institution went through. Interactions like the one we had earlier seemed like the sunny day that you look forward to after a storm.

I say to them: don’t you worry, little children. After all the pain you went through, after all the storms you’ve been through, there will always be a sunny day.

There will always be a sunny day…

I dream of sunny days for you
Knowing the hard road that you’ve been through

When the sunny day comes, we’ll go outside
And play with puddles of water
And bury our feet in your muddy sandbox

And so it came…

As we shrieked with laughter
I look into your bright eyes
That were once haunted by darkness.
They tell me that you don’t want
Another rainy day.
Another day cooped inside.
As the sun sets on our
Sunny day
I uncertainly bid you goodbye
But left a promise that
There’ll be another one like this.

Until then, we’ll keep on dreaming…
You for another sunny day
Me for the day that you’ll
Be able to fly free.

I kiss you goodbye, but
I promise to be back…
There are sunnier days to
Look forward to after all…

to keep.

2004-07-20T07:35:00.000+08:00

this was posted by a friend on her blog. when i read it, i was really moved and thought it was really beautiful. i thought i'd share it with you. Rinka, you're truly amazing, woman! Ü

to keep.

i'm not sure what possessed me. but i felt a strong connection to my child today. (yea yea, yet inexistent, but hey. bugger off.) it just felt so real. in writing this piece i was moved to tears. promises i have made to keep. voila.

i will make you the kind of lunch your friends will ask for.
in the lunchbox of your choice.

we'll take walks.
and talk of all your fleeting, everchanging ambitions.
today, an astronaut.
tomorrow, a basketball player.
the next, a teacher.

and we'll treat each one with reverence. with solemnity.
as if that's where your life would go from hereon.

i'll listen to you when you tell me about how your day at school went.
i'll take note of all the names of friends you mention in passing.
i hope to make it so you never have to answer to the question "who's kevin again?"

i'll remember, my darling.
i'll hold on to each name.
and make a memory.
so you feel i want to be a part of your world. i'll make it easier for you to tell me stories
of pranks, and petty fights, and who lost to whom at basketball today.

and in the grocery, i'll let you pick something you want.
regardless of the price.
you can have that ridiculously priced spiderman juice tumbler.
or the hotdogs with the freebies.

and some days i'll make you miss class
to take you to the beach.
just you and me.
we'll jetski. and kayak. and make sandcastles like in those sappy
hallmark cards. get toasted in the sun, then come home to your daddy
and laugh hysterically when he asks why we're so dark.
and he'll probably know, but he'll pretend he doesn't.
so it remains our little secret.

i won't force you to wear what you don't want to.
you can wear your cowboy hat to mass, sweetie.
i won't love you less.

and when you're older, you can pierce your ears, love.
i won't love you less.
wear bandshirts.
grow your hair long.
wear grunge eyeliner, if that helps define who you are.
i won't love you less.

when you get drunk
i'll make sure
you're not afraid to call home
and have me pick you up.
i trust you'll know you messed up
without me rambling about the dangers of alcohol overdose.

if you become a musician
you can practice in the garage
i promise not to bark at the drummer
or make you stop even if it's loud and driving me insane.
i will walk in every now and then to listen to you
catch your soul
in the music that you make
and tell you you are beautiful.
and loved.
and mine. (thank god.)

til then, love, i will sing you periwinkle lullabies
and tell you stories before you go to sleep.
and kiss your eyes.
and tuck you in.
and try to walk back to my room
struggling,
not wanting to sleep away from you.

i will hold you tight
and make you feel this house is home.
but each night after you've gone to sleep
i will walk away: practicing the art of letting you go, everyday
rehearsing.
so when you need to become,
i can disengage from this embrace
and let you be.

i will not make it hurt
for you to walk away from me when you have to.
and do what you have to do.
and i will not stop telling you that you are beautiful.
and loved.
and mine. (thank god.)

visit www.cityhippie.tk for more heartfelt blogs...nice noh?!?

jaded.

2004-07-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

today's not really an extraordinary day. it's more of like an extra-ordinary day. nothing new. nothing has changed...it's the same old paradigm...except for the fact that i'm dead tired. like totally. so what's new, i daresay!!!

thesis is not healthy. this i assure you. i miss dale. i miss my friends. i miss watching queer eye for the straight guy! yah! may seem shallow. but COME ON!!! these small things are what keep you thriving.

jaded.

impervious to the world around me.

echoes resounding blandly.

my senses are riveted in a completely different universe.

i'm swimming in my listless thoughts.

i drown in my rubbish dreams.

caved in.

2004-07-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

like totally.

my brain has been pushed to the limit. my emotions are running way too low. i feel bound. gagged. defeated. caved in.

drama ba?

totoo naman e!!! yuck. whiner. was talking to friend a while ago. said some wonderful stuff about not waiting to be free...quite inspiring actually. makes me think why i feel caved in when i can make myself un-caved if only i want to. makes sense?

nah! i don't think so! my brain is doing things on its own. i got totally no power over it. hmm...maybe i should just come back again when i'm saner...or maybe it's more sane? like the opposite of insane??? nah...whatever!

i'm excited about george! who is he? find out soon...Ü